.: Spirited Away:.

牵绊着我们的，是什么

2012-01-21T01:56:00.001+08:00

牵绊着我们的，是什么
想过否？

不知为何，突然很想这样开头。也并不代表刚考虑过。简单的几个方块字，当中应该蕴藏着什么意义。或者，它们是我日思（也不懂思什么，反正杂七杂八的一大堆，早成了每日必须面对的尖刺）的答案，否则也不会没源头地冒出来。

其实，最近也经历了不少，只是真的太杂，太细，太茫，可能提供九个字应该也不够反映，是吧？没关系，要揣测要怀疑随他的去，人从出生一开始就应该了解到，这世上不会有第二个和你一模一样的。我还曾深入分析过呢。

当然，不排除心有灵犀的案例，只不过那也并非一模一样。

觉得目前为止我都一直在碎碎念。

算了，下次吧。

虽然

2012-01-16T00:59:00.001+08:00

虽然路漫漫长远兮
但有许多人在你身后的不远处
默默地支持

为此
请继续坚强
你是少数中幸福的

(:

其实，有多少人考虑过这些，我很怀疑。
越是有能力争取更多，越容易忘记简单的幸福。
茫茫人海中猛然惊觉，微小的生命侥幸还保留着，这不是很幸福吗？

什么困难都有，但是不论如何，相信大家身边依然有自己温暖的港口。
为此，我们也应该加油。

hisashiburi (:

2011-12-19T23:29:00.001+08:00

还是会害怕
醒来时不在你身旁

目前看《我可能不会爱你》，真的很喜欢这首歌里的这段旋律。加上刚刚以迅雷不及掩耳的速度翻翻翻竟以几个小时的时间就读完了P.S I Love You 此书，嗯感觉……真的有在放假，虽然时间似乎怎么就是不够。读后感？觉得词句也不过如此平白（当然本人也吐不出什么象牙来），但却足以催人泪下，况且不止一次，而是时时刻刻地泪流满面。

读完后大声宣告--此书必定是针对在恋爱中的人！

真的很奇妙，边读边幻想假如我早个两三年就读P.S I Love You，心境应大不相同。读整本书时不可避免的一定将自己设身处境，结果得出的结果of course飞流直下三千尺，呵呵。不知没在感情中的人是否也会有这种感觉呢。

（话说回来，我一直在耽误很多‘重要的事’，啊啊啊啊我想活，不想死……语无伦次中）

换个话题，这几天想了些事情，也和朋友谈了些事……我想到在《那些年》里沈佳宜说过，“有些事，不就是徒劳无功的吗？” 不知怎的，我坚决相信，这句话代表的并非我们在生活中所经历的某些看似无意义的事物，却其实是那一瞬间对于未来迷茫脱口而出的话语。

对于未来，谁不彷徨失措，年复一年的教育在毕业瞬间看来似乎的确是徒劳无功。在这普遍化却又多元化的时代，能轻易摸透自己的心不再是一两年就能达到的，而谁又能坚定的为自己的前途画上句号？

更何况，生活从未就是个句号。

所以，我相信‘徒劳无功’的背后隐藏着未知数。因为不知道未来如何定位，所以也觉得目前的奋斗未必全部能让自己找到在世上的归属。但是，这些奋斗，必定在生命里留下时间的痕迹。我们要做的，是不停的尝试，不是吗？虽然尝试和改变让人害怕，难以下手，但是不这么做，应该很难摸透自己的心吧。

找个真心爱你的人，不论家人，朋友，情人，一起奋斗。雨后天晴，彩虹在不远的前方，希望我们都记得。

tired

2011-11-11T01:58:00.003+08:00

sometimes, it is just so tiring to go on,

roller coaster rides

on and off

but somehow i believe things will be better

it's been a long while

i guess it's all right to listen to yiruma once a while and let my emotions out.

let's get on with that portfolio now shall we

[edit:

this course tires one out so easily, it tires my inner soul

i believe i am changing gradually to become someone who's less and less..myself.

bad.

there have been times when i realise in mortification that i no longer feel immense gratification at the little helps i receive, to show that little appreciation

i believe im not ignorant, but my tired heart just somehow becomes more self-centered, in a way. centering my world around endless complaints, desperation, a constant seek for help..

that i no longer focus on thinking about others.

mortification. truly.

not to mention writing, or speaking even. my chinese has become so horrible i cant bear to think of myself as a Chinese.

where, oh where is this taking us

i hope i don't forget that writing heals.

perhaps it's also the reason why i have become more whimsical recently

tired, tired.

so tired to in fact to do anything now.

hope this heals, and ill end up feeling more optimistic, just like how i used to be after writing each post. (:

even though this post is done in such a fast...manner?

it's ending soon (: love you guys so much. ha ha ha i dont even know who im referring to.

can't wait to see you guys, my life has been devoid of social life and laughter for sooo long.

hope?

2011-08-26T05:01:00.002+08:00

it's been almost three weeks into the course and here we are struggling to keep holding on, frantically adapting and recalling that fragile fragment of reason as to why we are here. It's tough, challenging, and definitely a million times more than what we had mentally prepared ourselves for. Many of us (and perhaps even a few who had no idea what they's sign up for) would never have expected this course to be so mentally and physically stretching. Even I hadn't expected such extreme sacrifices we have to go through, despite having read up so extensively before.

Perhaps my research wasn't thorough enough, and it is indeed a vast change when we already have to stay over in the studio on the first day of school to work on our assignments. Spending 200% of our energy on design mod, expected to read up extensively on the various archi books and essays on our own within short periods of time, having to cope with other similarly time consuming assignments for other mods essential to archi, blahblahblah and on and on, it hardly seems that we are humans at all.

Times like this, everything that was once passion to us suddenly become commitments, having to sacrifice huge amount of sleep everyday just to produce something for review and crit sessions. And it's not the least encouraging when it is implicit that we have to redo everything at the end of each deadline.

I believe the beginning is truly a phase that tests us rigorously. It's been almost three days without sleep for me (well, nearly - I conk out for short periods of time), and things which I do truly desire to learn or experiment with are seen as pure assignments which we have to rush, rush, rush, because new assignments flood in even before we had even redone our previous ones.

Just to give a very very brief idea, I can simply show this:

Assignment count currently:

Design: Develop and finish Design project by Monday, which involves plan/section drawing+geometrical analysis (possibility of visiting St. George's needed again) and model refinement+making

Spatial-Visual Communication: Redo the 2 out of 4 A1 line assignments and scan+upload for submission by today, draw plan and section of St. George's Church

Structural Systems: New tutorial up on plane trusses

Ideas and Approaches in Design: Read up three sets of essays and write an essay reflection for online submission by today, research and decide on two designers for long term individual essay

History of Modern Architecture: Research on group presentation and essay

(not to mention out of school commitments)

Happy happy happy :D

That's why we are awake at unearthly hours, but I think even though all these drives us crazy and desperate, there are still certain times when I am suddenly filled with tremendous hope (haha), and I need to constantly remind myself the fundamental reasons behind all these.

I believe we can do this, and truly learn much from the various disciplines.((:

all right I've just redid my two A1s, time to sleep for a whileeeeee!

tralalalala

2011-07-28T03:15:00.003+08:00

I'm such an inconsistent blogger. hahahaa it's late into the night, yet a sudden visit to my blogs spurred me to blog something. It's always when someone suddenly tells you that they've visited your blog, do you then realise how long you've left it stagnant :O (and then the urge to liven it up)

anyway, school is starting soon, commitments are suddenly crashing down all over again, and more this time. 我们都在以惊人的速度成长，独立。还真有点不舍呢。

Social circles enlarge exponentially, and suddenly everyone's fighting to cramp all those names in the small head of ours, whilst I often pause to wonder which ones of these will truly be those to make a mark in my life?

Society is complicated, because they are made up of complicated people.

ha ha ha ha ha haaa.

but truly, the stress is increasing, feeling it more by the day. And I hesitate to even join dance, because I'm not so sure if I can even cope with it. Reminds me of how I've wanted to join dance since secondary school, but this small desire of mine has never been fulfilled (except outside) due to various reasons, so probably this time round I should persist?

And not to mention, this is probably my last try at modern/contemp. (Seriously so many people love hip hop, yet so little recognizes the beauty of modern/contemp!)

and anyway, I've wanted to say too that recently dancing has also transformed into a kind of commitment. I just hope, and reaaally hope, that I can always be reminded of the simple reason that motivates me to dance. because I love dancing (: like this specific moment in the middle of the night when everyone's asleep, and No Parade just plays on my blog's playlist

就是会有种冲动，想翩翩起舞的感觉♥

As with all other "commitments", I need someone/myself to constantly remind myself the fundamental reason I chose to continue.

because I believe in love ♥♥

thoughts

2011-07-13T01:16:00.002+08:00

with the following written when I've (somewhat) calmed down, as well as having mulled things over. I think the first thought that comes to mind is probably why is this happening all over again, without much reason and why do tears need to be wasted without meaning?

And with that heat of the moment, a rash thought that I really hate this, and I really do hope that this hatred can last me throughout the years, reminding me always. But contradictory enough, I have had mentioned (and analyzed perhaps) previously that I am not the type to hold on to such things. Hence there grew this little thought, turned into a hope which manifested into words, that maybe, just maybe, I can write it down somewhere glaringly obvious so that I can be reminded everyday of this hatred.

Hatred that helps to protect.

Yet again, I don't think any of these ever happens. It's simply a predicable cycle where we fight, cry, lose our hope, and forget. Gradually.

and today I just had this new thought, that maybe the reason why we forget so easily is because the reasons that started the arguments are simply...unreasonable. Truly so unreasonable, and so frequent that we lose sight of it soon enough. But once we are hurt again, everything comes back to us like a clear photo.

Just some random thoughts that was during and after:

- 为什么有过这么多次经验，心仍然学不会麻木？可能是因为内心深处了解彼此是血缘关系，而每一次只会让自己更加痛心，认识到彼此无法有着常常憧憬的画面？

- Maybe that's when we have to start thinking of another way to protect ourselves. Like running away, on a regular basis.

- 也许就是因为这种“机会教育”，今天的我们才会如此笨拙，如此依赖他人。请问这，又跟我们学到的"rote learning", "spoon-feeding" 有什么不同？人生，不应该自己摸索吗？放手的程度应该有个限度，像"creative learning"不好吗？

- 讨论是妄想，更何况是理性的讨论。最终只会演变成双方的唇枪舌战，再来就是单方面的暴力。可以说我们从来就没有接触过任何启发性的教育…吧？

- I know you probably just want to protect me. But your way of executing such a thought is simply too obnoxious and impalpable.

- 因此，以后的策略应该要有所不同。是时候独立了。

So this period is a start of a new phase in life, and is also a time to test out my personal values. 可能到底也就只有时间能证明一切。And when that time comes, I hope I can shove everything under your nose and beam brightly at you. Maybe that's when I can finally say that without any of the repetitive advice, I am still able to survive. And experience life as it is.

Sometimes, I still believe that the quote "Parents just don't seem to understand that I just want to learn from making mistakes in life." is true to a certain extent. A very large extent at it too, looking from the psychological view.

Also, I think that I sometimes have such liberal thoughts that I must have been a westerner my previous life.

Okay. this post is being outrageously obvious. I can't believe I allowed myself to command such atrocity. Probably time for some style huh (: On a side note, I think cockroaches must be the most evil, hideous, grotesque looking insect in the world.

tata (: More to come.

Scholarships

2011-06-26T01:29:00.011+08:00

Hi all hopefuls out there, so here are the posts I've promised previously on the details of all the scholarship interviews I've been through (: Pretty sure that this will benefit all those who are keen on getting the respective scholarships (and who are smart/diligent enough to google the relevant keywords too, haha), because I will be listing down all the specific details I can think of.

And of course, I am only recording these down because I have been through all the stages and I have received the offers from the scholarship providers, so I'm sure it would be of help somehow :D Any questions feel free to ask?

Here's the order: (I opted to study local for all scholarship, and fyi I accepted HDB's offer in the end to study Architecture)

1.) MOE Teaching Scholarship (local)

2.) SUTD Scholarship (bond free)

3.) HDB Undergraduate Scholarship (Local)

4.) Keppel Group Scholarship (Local)

1.) MOE Teaching Scholarship (Local) for Mathematics and minor in English

I have to say that the MOE scholarship is one of the fastest scholarship providers around. :O The application and interviews are all earlier than the other scholarships that I've applied to, and so is the result. Anyway, I think that the best way to secure a MOE scholarship/enhance your chances greatly (I'd say this is also the smoothest route), is in fact to participate in the MOE Teaching Internship Programme (TIP). For those who have no idea what TIP is about, it is for students who've graduated to work in a secondary school/jc as a teaching intern. The greatest (and best) difference between this and any other relief teaching job that you can find on your own is in fact the responsibilities and duties - you get to really teach classes assigned to you, and organize events under your assigned department! So it's for you to experience the teaching industry, and for you to find out if teaching is your calling(:

Anyway I've digressed. Since I'm in the A Level track, I participated in the internship after my As from January till March 2011. Before that, we had to submit our prelim results and an essay (our question was something along the lines of 'why do you want to teach and what are some of the qualities you think a good teacher should possess') to get selected...for a group interview (Ha so don't think that getting into the TIP is an easy job after all, treat it seriously like a scholarship application if you please). As for the group interview, basic questions one can think of will be asked, and some other ones I feel should be noted are questions like 'What are some of the recent MOE initiatives that you know', 'Do you know what a teacher's full responsibility is, besides teaching?', 'What is one quality you possess which you think helps in your teaching/sets you different from others?'

I'd go into such details for the TIP selection because this internship really does enhance your chances at the MOE Teaching Scholarship, in fact the HR people actually use this programme as an effective channel to find their possible scholars: After I've been notified that I've been selected for the TIP, I received a follow up email in late December asking if I was interested in applying to the MOE Teaching Award/Scholarship, and I was supposed to send in the relevant documents (including the scholarship essay!) by 5th January. I was rather surprised since it was really super early for an application to a scholarship, and it appeared that I was also the only one who had received such an email (I asked around 3-4 people who are in the TIP too and they did not receive such an email), so I guess do not panic if you had not receive this (I call this encounter a short-cut process, since this was not the usual PSC application route, but after I've sent in the documents I applied again to PSC at a later date).

Anyway, the MOE Award/Scholarship essay questions were actually same as the PSC ones (I found this out only after I applied to PSC - so naturally I recycled the same essay with edition made), and the question I picked was "What is one event in your life that has changed you as a person?". Other questions (if I'm not wrong) went something along the lines of 'If you met LKY what would you say to him', 'What do you hope Singapore will become in 15 years time', 'Who is your role model and why' etc. After this stage I went happily for my internship, and towards the end of our internship we were actually called upon to meet the Ps and VPs to discuss about our experiences and reflections -- and to see if we were keen on pursuing a teaching career, so that they can recommend us for the teaching award/scholarship. Hohoho! And we had two sessions of it too, with the second one involving us travelling to another school and meeting with the other TIP interns. We met with another superior with more authority, and after we've related our experiences and expressed our preference for the teaching industry, that is when they would see who to recommend in the reports (our supervisors have to write and submit a report to MOE for each of us interns).

Of course, one could report that he has no intention to apply for the MOE Teaching Award/Scholarship, and will not have to go through the above, but might probably receive a call from the MOE personnel asking why he does not wish to apply to the Award/Scholarship some time after (which happened to my friend). That aside, when I was about to end my internship (ended on March 12), I received an unexpected call from the MOE personnel, asking if I was interested in pursuing a Chinese Lit degree in a China university under the MOE Teaching Scholarship :OOOO Hahaha I was really quite taken aback, and I think they asked me that since I had taken an all arts subject combi in JC (with two being CLL and CSC), but since I am decided on having a local education, I told the person that I preferred studying local but might consider the offer. So then there was a gap and after some time I received a call again that I was being provisionally being assigned the MOE Teaching Scholarship to major in Math and minor in English, and the one and only interview was on 11th April.

tralala so for the final interview, I have to say that it was the most (traumatizing) HAHA okay er cautious interview I ever had. Not because they were unfriendly or anything, but because at that time I was deciding between Teaching and Architecture, so imo it made my interview harder and weirder than others (hence sorry if my interview questions are not of help!). There were five people if I'm not wrong, and questions that I could handle easily were questions relating to my internship experience, e.g. 'how do you think your supervisors/colleagues manage to pull through the repeating teaching cycle for so many years' and 'what are some of the difficulties you've experienced for TIP' etc. The others which required more attention and cautiousness began with 'So why architecture?', 'If someone said that architecture is a sunset industry in Singapore, would you agree?', 'If we gave you the scholarship, would you accept it, and not architecture?'....basically I had the feeling that half of the interview was spent on questioning me about Architecture and not teaching, it felt like an architecture interview instead of a teaching one! The whole thing lasted for about 20-30 minutes, and then it was over :O Walked out of the room thinking that I was so screwed hahaha but miracle happened when the scholarship offer turned up in my mailbox days later! ((:

2. SUTD Scholarship

It stands for Singapore University of Technology and Design (if you don't already know), the new fourth university (collaborations with MIT and ZheJiang University) that is bound to start in 2012 April. And the good thing is (to some), it's bond free! Anyway I'd say that my experience for this scholarship interview was the best one I ever had. SUTD only conducted one interview for its scholarship applicants, and I'm really lucky to have been deemed as someone who is of the scholarship type -- right after the interview!

So anyway, before getting selected for the interview, a Personal Statement (as well as the other things like A level results, CCA/Leadership portfolio etcetc) is required. I also think that the SUTD has the most exciting selection process, because not only does it require a Personal Statement, we also had to provide a website url (I submitted my blog url) to allow them to know us better (could be facebook url too). Plus, we could create a video showcasing our talents and upload it. But since the video was optional, I decided not to do it and instead spend more time on my Personal Statement. (and trust me, do try to let your Personal Statement stand out, I believe it is one of the deciding factor in the scholarship application process too)

After that stage, I was eventually called up and went for my interview on 23rd April. The interview was the kind which you'd feel that you are almost chatting with the professors (supposed to have three profs, but one went out during my turn), and the questions posted are all those that relate to your specific experiences. For example, I talked about my leadership skills and CCAs, how I overcame difficulties and why Architecture. Then there was showing my design portfolio to them too. The whole interview was actually about an hour long, but most of the talking was in fact done by one of the professors :O He kept explaining to me the details of the courses, the difference between SUTD and NUS etc. Hence making the comment of how this was the best interview I ever had (and..relaxed? haha not entirely).

OH and I nearly missed out on the offer part: A SUTD personnel personally made a trip to my house to hand me the offer! It was really an occasion that made me feel so touched and they make you feel that you are valued(: The scholarship offer came in a transparent plaque that is so pretty!!!! The personnel then stayed to answer and clear doubts from you and your parents...that's about all.

3. HDB Undergraduate Scholarship for Architecture (Local)

The first procedure is the same for all scholarship - filling up your application form and writing the important essay. The question was "Why are you keen on obtaining the HDB Scholarship?", and the preliminary interview was on 19th April. The first interview was actually very very short, 5-10 minutes at the most, and basic questions are asked: "So why this course?", "Why HDB?", "Do you know this initiative/project by the HDB?". It was really fast, and I didn't even have time to show the two HR people my portfolio before the whole interview was over! :O But it was kind of expected too, since I had checked forums prior to the interview, and everyone was getting only a 5-10mins interview slot for the preliminary interview (guess there were just too many people).

Hmm and then I was scheduled for the second (as well as final) interview on 5th May. During this interview, there were about 5-6 interviewers of higher positions, and it lasted for about 20-30 minutes too. Received repeated questions of "Why this course/HDB", and they pressed on why did I decide to switch to Architecture when I was studying an all arts stream (ha ha ha). I can't really remember much, but afterwards I showed them my portfolio and explained the various competitions and artwork. At the end, I received the question "Although we can see from your portfolio that you have some talent in designing, Architecture isn't really just about designing. If you really became an architect under the HDB, what would be the first thing that you will do?", and I rambled on green initiatives while relating to some of the things that HDB did. I think the last question was what they asked most of the applicants too, since another friend of mine got the same question, but phrased in another way. Anyway, I was ecstatic weeks later when the letter of offer came on 24th May!

4. Keppel Group Scholarship for Architecture (Local)

Hahaha finally I've arrived to this! Keppel Scholarship has the most amount of drilling sessions ever (a total of 6), but imo the sessions (of interviews, tea session, bonding etc) are truly effective for the board to choose their applicants wisely (after all the scholarship value is really so good!!!), as well as allowing the applicants to know the Group better, hence making informed decisions - after all these sessions, we really do feel kind of attached to the Group, and I also have a better understanding of how things work in the Group (which was different from how HDB conducted their interviews, oops but it is true since HDB did only have two sessions and the first was only a 5 minutes session).

So anyway, the first barrier was the same - to be screened by our A level results as well as our written essay. "Career Objectives" was the topic, and after we've passed this first barrier (ha ha) we were invited to go down for a tea session on 1st April...which lasted for 9 whole hours. HEH frankly speaking, I felt the tea session more useful to those who were going to study engineering, since we visited the shipyards to see oil rigs, as well as many more such as Keppel Logistics (it was fun we had the chance to enter the place where they kept all brands of ice creams under -20 Degree Celsius!) and Keppel DHCS (Biopolis) etc. Afterwards, we had presentations from the various subsidiaries under Keppel Corp (Keppel T&T, Keppel Logistics, Keppel Integrated Engineering, KeppelLand, Keppel Offshore & Marine), and altogether the day allowed us to gain a better insight to Keppel Corp's various divisions and their workings. During the tea break we talked with the various HR personnel and also got to know about the corporation culture etc :D At the end of the day, we were given a form to rank our preference for which subsidiaries were we interested to join if we were offered the scholarship. I indicated Keppel Land (and the only one possible too, since I was doing Architecture), and the future interviews would be based on this form of ours (conducted by which subsidiaries' personnel etc). Oh and the tea session was not part of the selection process, so no worries there(:

After the tea session, we had our first interview :O Strangely enough, a friend (whom I've met during the tea session) and I actually got grouped up with the other applicants who applied through the BCA-Industry Built Environment Scholarship. In other words, the two of us who applied directly to Keppel Corp and went for the tea session turned up for a group interview with the rest (altogether we made a group of six) who didn't go for the tea session earlier on. I got to know afterwards that the JC group of applicants actually had their interview one week before us, and theirs weren't a group interview (i.e. one-to-one/one-to-a few). Here I have to take special note, since what I've heard from the other people was that the interview questions were different too (since theirs was conducted alone and not in a group), and questions relating to their personal experiences were asked (instead of ours which is narrated as below).

Anyway, for our first interview (group), it was on 3rd May (yes one month actually passed after our tea session!), and we were told in the email previously to prepare a short verbal presentation (5 mins) of a key project/assignment that we've been involved in. The presentation should clearly showcase 1.)How we've overcame a challenge 2.)Our leadership role in the assignment 3.)How we have challenged existing practices to bring about greater effectiveness or to introduce new ideas. So clearly six people with 5 mins each = around 30minutes were spent for the group interview. I chose to ramble on my experience in being a teaching intern, hahaha(:

Oh before we started our interview, we had been given an article each on property cooling measures (argh?!), and we were informed on the spot that we will be discussing about the article later on. So we spent some time looking and analyzing the article before the interview commenced, and sadly I had zero knowledge on the area, and I have not studied Econs, hence I really did struggle to try and understand the article (lest say discussion). Nevertheless, after our various verbal presentation, we spent around twenty minutes (or more) discussing the article, and I'd say I forgot most of the things we've discussed (oops probably too traumatized hahaha!). Some of them circled around 'what do you all think of this measure that the government enforced', 'what will be possible impacts' etc. gahhhh. Finally after that was over, we were given two questions: 'What do you think should be improved on our website?' and 'What is the one quality you have that would make us pick you?'.

After the first interview, I was informed on a later time (but same day!) that I was invited for the next stage of the scholarship selection process - Keppel Group Team Building & Core Values Alignment Immersion - on 10th May. This next selection session lasted for around four hours, and basically I thought it to be a rather fun and insightful session, because we got to know more about ourselves and others in general (but do keep in mind that there were a panel of HR personnels from the different subsidiaries seated at the back of the room observing us while we interacted, so although it's not an interview it is still a selection procedure?). Ha ha so we introduced ourselves to each other, and as the name suggests, we learnt about Keppel Corp's Core Values, and afterwards we completed the Myers-Briggs Personality test and found out which type of person we were (generally separated into the "I" and "E" categories). After our emcee has explained to us the characteristics of the different types of personalities (as well as how we should interact with them), we were separated into our I and E groups, and we ensued to ask the other group 3 questions to know each other better. (Since the 'I's were generally considered the introverts and 'E's the extrovert, you could guess that we had a lot of fun knowing each other through this) Basically there is nothing much to worry about, we just voiced our truthful feelings (:

After this section, we were again broken up into smaller groups, and started to play two team building games. There was the traditional get-the-hula-hoop-down-with-one-finger game, and another one which involved switching puzzle pieces with each other so that we can complete all the puzzles. After each game, we were debriefed and asked to align the lessons learnt to Keppel's Core Values. And that was the end of the whole session.

Hmm next I was informed to go down for the third selection stage - an Essay and Ability test. (shivers HAHA) This was on 20th May, and it lasted about 3 hours. In the email, the ability test is said to ascertain our cognitive skills, which includes abstract and verbal reasoning. Sounds really scary at first sight (ha ha!), but luckily I did a google search for such tests online, and I came across this really effective website which provided the exact types of tests and questions which later came out! :D for the benefit of anyone who wants the website for practice (practicing is truly important!), here's the link: http://www.kent.ac.uk/careers/psychotests.htm

You'd only need the practices under these topics: Numerical Reasoning (Graphs and Tables), Verbal Reasoning, Logical Reasoning and Non-Verbal Reasoning (the last two are of similar style, but the real test will only come in the Non-Verbal Reasoning style, with diagrams). So for the actual test, we first had the Verbal Reasoning section, which required us to read short passages and rate the statements given (whether it was true, untrue or insufficient information to decide). Next was the Numerical Reasoning section where we had to interpret graphs and tables, and lastly the Non-Verbal Reasoning section where we were asked to pick the next correct diagram for the sequences. The reason why I said practice is extremely important because it enabled me to have an idea of how the tests were like, and I knew which area I had more strength in. Most important of all was that we had insufficient time to complete the questions!!So it was a matter of accuracy and speed, which can be trained from the practices? hahahaa :D Anyway after those tests we had a short break, then we began the final essay test which was very much like a GP paper .___. The questions that left deeper impressions were 'Some people described the GE 2011 as a watershed election, do you agree?' and 'How can organizations like Keppel counter climate change and sustainable development problems?' (I did this environmental one). I remembered that another question was regarding telecommunications and its impact. Yet we did not need to write entirely like a GP essay too, maybe more like an AQ? hahaha but I guess one just have to have a strong opinion and be logical. (:

AHHH there's still two more interviews to say! Okay then came the fourth interview for me, it was on 27th May, and I faced 4 interviewers, with 3 of them from higher ranks. The interview lasted for around 30minutes, and this time round, I was finally asked questions regarding my personal experience, since it was just me alone. Here are some of the questions I remember: 'Why architecture (when you are an arts student)?', 'Which building (in Singapore) and architect do you admire?', 'From what you know so far, what can you say about this building's structure of ours?', 'Since you are from Taiwan, can you tell me one difference you see between Taiwan students and Singaporean students?' etc. There were questions relating to my CCA and leadership roles too, if I recall correctly. I managed to show them my portfolio too. Luckily for me, I had been preparing for my Architecture course, and the previous studies in JC (what with all those research papers) helped prepare me for those questions, and I managed to answer without much problem ((: -prays and thanks god-

FINALLY HA HA the final interview was on 10th June, and this time round I carried my illness with me (eek). Hah hah the final interview was a presentation (of 10 mins), and upon arrival I was led to a laptop and given my topic - "My Proudest Moment". So we had about 30-40 minutes to plan our presentation and make the powerpoint. During which I chatted a bit to the other person in the room too, another friend whom I met during the Core Values Immersion. During the actual presentation, I found myself facing this huuuuuge panel of..audience (hahaha!I couldn't even remember how many there were, around 7?or8??), but they were all very friendly, and they are ready to laugh heartily at any funny moments they encounter :D They asked questions during and after the presentation, and then the whole thing ended. :O Guess what they are truly efficient, at the very same day (again) they already informed us that we were selected for the scholarship! :DD sighhh such an experience I'll never forget (:

yupp so that's about it. ha ha ha extremely colloquial narrative post which took me three whole days to complete, but I wish everyone the best in their future endeavors etc etc. Ask me any questions regarding the interviews if you'd like, just leave me a tag! (: This was solely for recording purposes (and of course hope it'd benefit others) hiakhiakhiak. why? because I did benefit a lot from other unknown blogging seniors, and that's why I could clinch the above scholarship offers. THANK YOU SO MUCH!! (so now it's my turn to do something too)

sighh recently I've had had a lot of epiphany moments, so long huh. Yet I wanted to complete this and so maybe another day (: After all, I do blog vaguely for the better hahaha it's just for my personal reference if I still remember in the near future.

I just want to remind myself, that the world is beautiful.

moments

2011-05-31T15:08:00.004+08:00

Moments in life when I feel that I just have to speak up. For my decisions, for what I feel is not rightfully yours, but rightfully mine.

"When writing the story of your life, do not let others hold the pen." - tumblr

Not directing this to anyone in particular, but seriously, when was everything as simple as 'doing this and not that means you lack the guts'??

seriously?

damn all this pieces of thoughts whirling around in the wind, with strings hard to attach, and black and white are just insufficient to paint them.

why would doing this indicate that I'm one who do not have the guts in life?! Seriously. If I had no guts at all, why would I even choose to apply for it, and why even struggle till yesterday? We are all older to know that whatever decision it is that we make now, it is never just A and B. If I had not the guts why would I have even cared to study ELL, and getting a C as that? Is that not enough evidence already that whatever we do in life, we take risks and even the safest choices can turn your whole world Topsy Turvy?

But the thing that really left me in flames, was the fact that people really do in general stereotype and superficially determine your character with the choices you choose. Why not look deeper, and try to understand the numerous factors considered? Sometimes I really do feel that we are rather blinded by this "21st century skills" thing. Not that it's bad, but I mean blinded in the sense that we are now all inclined to think that "successful = this this this" or "to be successful, you must this this this".

Besides those things, I'm sure there's gotta be more to life.

Life isn't something so simple that you can simple reduce the meaning of success to slogans and theories. No matter how many theories we come up with, or how many successful examples we have seen, life is so immensely diverse, complex and intricate that everyone's case is different. Not every single person in this generation can subscribe to the general definition of "successful" (not that there is one to begin with, perhaps better put "stereotypical"), or rather, no one can. So many people fail to acknowledge that dreams are specific and subjective, that each of us holds vastly differing morals, values, and perspectives. Successful in life can mean so many things around the globe - becoming famous, attain a high rank in work, to have loved and be loved, or simply just to survive.

Why, oh why are we so superficial, for most of the time?

Deferring for a while, this also reminded me of the fact that we always compare and contrast people. I guess this is unavoidable, and sometimes also of value, but much of the time we lose ourselves and forget our own identity. Being in a society does not mean that we need to lose all our individuality, huh? What does it mean to be successful as a person (character), part of it indefinitely comes from public definition, but I feel that the most important thing is it needs to be based on your own values. Not blindly following others, but living out your own Personal Legend. Ha! (So please do love yourselves and realize all your goodness) But I guess this is a rather superficial discussion as well, since values and morality and all is another deeper issue, but just as long as you get the gist (:

So making this decision = no guts? low chance to become more recognized and hence successful? I beg to differ. I do not deny that certain people are definitely more of a risk taker, but from another perspective you can simply say that they have no brains too, or is someone who does things rashly. Who are we to say that this decision is good or bad? No one has that position.

Only time can.

Life is full of coincidences, unforseen circumstances and luck. There is ultimately a degree as to what we can do as a person, but the rest is up to the unforseen forces (ha ha) to decide. No matter which path we take, be it conventional or not, here and there we will always encounter hardships, but as long as we come back to love and be loved, all is well. (:

and who is to say then, that we have failed in life?

we should judge our own lives in the end, not others(:

and do fairytales come true?

2011-05-30T16:11:00.005+08:00

yes, they do.

I really do have a thing for blogging inconsistently, but all right since I'm here let's do a few updates(:

been to sheares exposure camp, got myself all tanned unevenly again, met wonderful people.

and in the midst of that, I received two wonderful news

these are truly moments in life when fairytales really do come true, when prayers are answered, and you feel that you are blessed.

the road is still long, though.

(why do I feel as if sentiments are harder to translate into words?)

it has been too long after all. guess I need to come back here more often to write more. (:

OH. because I have benefited this much from kind hearted people over the net, I shall find time to write about all my scholarship applications and interviews once the last/final one is confirmed :D just so that juniors can hopefully benefit from them too! And boy there is so much to write about ha ha. Hopefully I don't forget all the things I've been through.

this post has been extremely random and extremely colloquial (save for the purpose of recording down this significant event :D). The things I write are still so vague huh, ;)

time to tumblr!

edit:

browsing blogs around has enabled me to think more deeply, which has yet to happen for quite some time already. I love epiphanic moments (:

"It’s so easy to find excuses for what is really laziness. I’ve stopped writing (in any meaningful sense) on my blog for a few months now, and the repercussions are slowly setting in: words are slipping past me without warning, thoughts worth penned down have been forgotten or become a faint half-comprehended memory, and an acquiescence for things around me is bothering me. It’s not so much a loss for words or intellectual regress, but a loss of momentum. Sometimes there’s so much happening in life that time to sit down and writing down daily muses has become a luxury that I can hardly afford. It’s sad to think – on hindsight – that A levels was what first killed the momentum, which once lost is difficult to regain.

I went back to living life. Which was in a way good and definitely refreshing (by any measure preferable to A levels), but I soon realized that a life unrecorded is a life unexamined, and therefore not worth living. In retrospect there were so much I wanted to write about that I hardly know where to begin, and so much regret that some of these memories are less vivid then they should have been."

and

"Cancer zodiac sign has the symbol of 'The Crab'. One of the basic characteristics of a Cancerian is that he is very prone to mood swings, which are matched by changing emotions. At one point of time, you may have seen him in a typical party mood, enjoying himself and laughing at other people's jokes. He may come across as the most extroverted member in the entire group. However, another time, he may be completely introverted, sitting in a corner and lost in his own world. This single personality trait can help you in identifying a Cancer very easily.

A Cancerian will never run behind fame and publicity, but if he ever gets it, he definitely knows how to bask in the limelight. In a melancholic mood, he can become the coldest person on this earth and drown you in his bottomless depression. Cancerians are prone to pessimism and usually hide their fears behind a veil of humor. They love to dream and for them, sky's the limit. When he cries, it is because he is deeply hurt from inside. A harsh glance or a rough tone can easily break Cancer's vulnerable heart.

When he is hurt, he will either cry his heart out or retreat into a silent spell. However, it is rare that he takes revenge from the one who has hurt him. If a Cancer retreats to his shell, you can be sure he will become completely unreachable. He won't pick his phone, answer the doorbell or even check his mail. Another mood that can engulf a Cancer is a snappy one, or you can say a crabby one. He will hate the world and snap at anything and everything. However, you can be sure he is not angry with you and will soon be his normal self again.

While in a conversation, the facial features of a crab will change a number of times, displaying his numerous moods. He has a vivid imagination and at times will drown you in his moods too. Each and every experience affects him and gets engraved in his memory. Cancerians remember everything life has taught them and are true patriots. Past intrigues them and they love to collect antiques, old treasures and ancient relics. They are the perfect keepers of secrets and people automatically confide in them.

However, their own thoughts and secrets are strictly off limits for everyone. A typical cancer will never discuss his personal life with anyone. Compassion and intuition gel perfectly with the Cancer profile. He seldom judges people, just soaks up what comes his way and reflects the same. He will never ever give up an object he cherishes, be it a gift from a lover or the worn jeans he loves wearing. Cancerians have a soft heart; they care about people and are quite helpful. However, they wait to see if someone else is helping.

If the answer is yes, they will sit back and let the other person be the savior. In case no one comes forward; they will be there to rescue you. A Cancer person may come at the last minute, but he will save you just before you are about to drown. He is not selfish, it just that he never wants to be impulsive. But, he will save you nonetheless. Before he makes any move, a Cancerian must be sure of strong backing. Without it, he hates to venture on his own. He does not forget mistakes easily, especially his own.

He will brood over them and take a long time before moving ahead again. Cancerian loves, rather reveres, his home and his loved ones. Too much is not even enough for him. He needs more, more security, more love and more care. Insecurity may lead him to depression and weaken him physically. However, Cancerians have this amazing quality of self-healing. All they require is happiness, optimism and laughter in large doses. They are prone to negative thoughts and are always preparing for the unseen future."

I simply love writings that ring with me.

So taking a "horoscopic" view, those complicated feelings from long ago when I've tried to justify my erratic behavior are actually so simply explained that I didn't have to bother. To think that I still attempted to rationalize everything (of not bothering others with the emotional moments) by throwing credits to my seemingly logical and erhem considerate actions -- all those windy explanations of 'this is all a repeating cycle' and 'we will all get better after all, because life is beautiful' and hence 'why bother others when I will be all right in the end'.

well, not that they are wrong (they still do make some sense, mind) but it seemed really simple by just summarizing it all into "However, Cancerians have this amazing quality of self-healing." HA HA HA.

Horoscopic view, huh (:

you just cant explain certain things in life. that's what makes life intriguing and magical.

Also, the Cancer part is probably the best horoscope description (of me) that I've ever came across. It intrigues me that 100% of what it says is probably right, and aptly sums up some of my life goals/character/way of living:

1. Never judging a person from first sight (and hence no first impressions whatsoever for most of the time, so please please stop digging deep dark secrets from me when there is absolutely none! GRR. Ha ha okay no one knows what I'm talking about)

2. Family oriented (ttm)

3. Self healing (HA HA HA mind it's not isolation here)

4. Extreme extrovert and extreme introvert (again, introvert is probably never the best word to complete the meaning)

5. Wander lust

6. Vintage lover

7. Random

8. Very sensitive and hence cautious with building relations (it's so lucky that we are self healing then)

9. Loves to be the one helping but secretly hopes that someone else is there to share the burden (or, teamwork?)

10. Perfect in keeping secrets (or stm/non-chalant, better put HAHAA)

and to sum it all up, a Pessimistic Idealist. :D

世外桃园！

2011-05-10T22:07:00.002+08:00

哈哈哈哈好久好久都没有这么写了呵！

第一次见面就用英文，真的用华语交谈的实在是少之又少了。

之前用华文打字时也只因一时的念头，这期间不知过了多久（打了多少英文文章），似乎与华文就已经距离千丈。（算一算其实也就只一个多月，语言真的是必须常用，常写呢）

第一次用华文打这么口语的文字，应该也是第一次。（之前都似乎一定要写出多优美多动人多催人泪下才罢休…没那么厉害啦）

（这以上应该也用了很多错词，哎）

Time to buck up(: Probably read more Chinese novels!! (But before that I must finish Jane Austen's series!)

这次也没什么目的，纯粹只想写点东西。

猛然惊觉，我们都已走过许多路。

读饶雪漫之《沙漏》时，才十六。确确实实地印证了其中最喜欢的一句：“没有人永远十七岁，但永远有人十七岁。祝福他们。”

是啊，祝福他们(:

只是不知现在有多少孩子们，懂得珍惜？

Live, Laugh, Love. 但，爱己的同时，请看看四周。

insomnia

2011-05-06T16:14:00.003+08:00

There are times when I just simply forget how to fall asleep. Lying in bed, tossing and turning, feeling extremely agitated as the hours go by.

And how is it that after such a long while, we still manage to drift off?

Sighh. Important juncture in life. Oh, not to mention the GE. (:

prays fervently. reeeeally really fervently.

"Writing about music is like dancing about architecture."

I guess it has to be the right kind of music/architecture, huh? After all, they are both highly subjective in nature.

right now, extremely relevant (: which one would you uncork?

so long

2011-04-29T16:57:00.002+08:00

wahahahaha it's been so long since I've last posted!!

the past few days have been a mental turmoil for me, stuck between two paths for my future.

So for the plain sake of updating and recording purposes:

1.) MOE Teaching Scholarship (Local) for Math and a minor in English

2.) NUS Architecture

3.) SUTD Scholarship

and finally rejecting the 1st option after two days of serious consideration.

(AHHHHH the monetary value!! sighhhhh.)

and so, we continue these few months' of struggle and fight.

sigh please, please please pleaseee give me the strength to get that, all my hopes are pined onto it! If you recognize my talents I would be so grateful, I'd pledge my life and be indebted to you foreverrrrrrrr

It's so amazing that we can all end up with something that's entirely different as compared to our initial goals. All this is just...so strange, unpredictable yet anticipated. It leaves us bemused and perplexed, but it is exactly at this juncture when we are forced to look deeper into ourselves and figure out what we want.

whatever it is, I just hope that everyone out there makes the informed decision, paint our lives in brilliant colours, and stay happy. (:

(and perhaps fulfill the dream of being financially free. haha! sigh I guess this is why scholarships are soooooo necessary.)

and whatever it is, we walk on.

apprehensive

2011-03-27T00:01:00.002+08:00

no matter how hard I tried today, I just couldn't focus on the applications.

sometimes it scares me thinking if this would follow me through my life, because one has to be constant in life at times, and not just waiting for that sudden inspiration or mood to come to you.

"Inspirations do not drop down from the sky, you have to think for it." this line was told to us by a young and cheerful lady who is a current writer cum script writer.

and previously when I saw snippets of "The Three Idiots", there was a sentence in it that struck me. It meant that fear is something that hinders you from being successful. Initially I was admittedly stumped. Wasn't fear something that motivates you? Like fearing that you would score badly for a test and hence pushing yourself to ensure that you don't? But then recently, I started to think about it and I found out the meaning behind this.

When we are fearful of something, we doubt. We become skeptical, we hesitate, and then we give up. Considering the disadvantages and consequences makes us worry. When we are unable to overcome this fear, or when we are so consumed by the horrors and possible circumstances that we will reject, we become too fearful of something and we fall back. Which makes me wonder, why is it that we were never bothered with such things when we were kids? Talking with Jia Rern today really made me agree with her. Because as we grow older, we are slowly capable of analyzing the processes and outcomes, and we can gather information. Enough for us to make informed decisions, but also enough for us to become too fearful to decide. The line is blurry, yes, but I can't help thinking that fear is truly something that can change our lives according to the way we react to it. (just like architecture, hiakhiakhiak)

So just hope that we make informed decisions, and conquer our fears if we know that it can be conquered (and worthwhile). Sigh I really do miss the times when we were all so young and carefree, with our parents and such a strong government there to care for all of us (or make decisions for us) even if we made mistakes. Not that they don't now, but as we get older the impact of failing/making a mistake gets stronger on us, I guess. So maybe that's why we were so fearless and full of courage (not forgetting curiosity) as a kid, always jumping at every opportunity that our teacher offers us.

(Not yet blogging about architecture yet I guess, maybe I'll even postpone that to May -- when I've confirmed that I really did get in/I got rejected ): but I really hope not now, ha haa. )

Anyway, today was rather tiring, I don't know why but it suddenly made me feel rather...detached from the outside world ha ha! Guess the two plus weeks of staying at home had it's impact on me. Or rather...because there was someone new? I don't know how to put it into words, maybe next time again (:

And, happy birthday houyin, hope you kmm A Levels :D

taking a break

2011-03-25T21:21:00.004+08:00

quite some time has passed since I last wrote.

Tumblr really does seem kind of convenient in times like this, hehh (and look I've found another beloved at the bottom of this post!)

continuous writings and applications and essentially, staring at the computer make me numb.

we all need a breath of fresh air from time to time, yes?

browsing through some of the other blogs suddenly makes me want to blog as well, so here I am. :D I realise that I actually didn't blog about my A level results, which is kind of surprising since it kind of marks a significant stage in my life? ha ha I don't know, but it seems kind of weird that I used to be so paranoid and easily affected by grades, so much so that I can even blog about the simple quizzes/homeworks/studies in my life. Looking back at those posts, I actually think I sound like someone who thinks that she's such a big shot. Haa!

I don't know, but that's what I kind of feel when I look at other people who blogs like that (oops). Maybe it's just the type of writing style which you gradually grow out of as you continue to blog, or maybe it's the personality. (: I do feel to some extent that, up till now grades are not everything.

My dad always said that grades aren't everything, and I think that really stuck with me. Maybe that's why I've stopped becoming so paranoid over simple gradings and results (or maybe, I just don't show it here/it doesn't affect me for too long if I do not get the grades that I want). Or maybe it's just that so far my grades aren't thaaaaat bad, debatable but I think the main thing here is that one shouldn't take grades soooooo seriously till they consume his/her whole life :O (though that's kind of extreme too but I think you know what I mean)

BUT ANYWAY. Grades are not everything, but in fact it is still...the basis to everything huh. Contradictory but true, because living in modern society, the majority/the conventional way is to look at your grades first before they move on to other things. I guess you call this.. pre-requisites? Ha ha ha. I think I still remember the time when I was so depressed over this whole society thing (and more, not just this one), that I couldn't study properly last year and had to talk to Jiunn. HAHAAA. There I've admitted it! Okay digressing~

So there goes. If I want to try and make a summary here, I guess it's that I'm not someone who will view grades sooo importantly till it consumes my life/become my only goal in life (or for the past two years to be specific), but since I acknowledge the benefits of it (as well as to enrich my life, not just because of society stigma), I will definitely have enough preparations beforehand etc etc, so that I know for sure that the final results won't be so extreme (in the bad way) till it affects me deeply(:

SO ALL RIGHT. now to talk about my long-overdue results, I SHALL NOT TALK ABOUT IT HA HA HA HA HA. Like I've said, it kind of irks me to announce my results here like some news reporter wa ha ha! But I was indeed extremely relieved and joyful to have gotten As for all the necessary subjects :D Necessary in the sense that they are 1. My favorite/best subjects 2. Subjects which I definitely cannot let my tutors down. So I am really really satisfied and happy with them. Yay! (Added for the sake of convincing, HAHAHA)

So right now it's applications after I've finally decided where to go from here. Difficult and tough decision, because if I really do get in, I will be facing countless sleepless nights into 3am working on multiple projects/assignments that require meticulous efforts. BUT, I believe I can pull through. SO, back to apps for now and maybe I'll blog about it in the next post.

tata.
my laptop background as of now(: I just love stars.

I saw a quote by Vincent van Gogh on tumblr recently, and it goes something like this:

'I dream whenever I look at the stars."

So beautiful(:

unwritten

2011-03-20T14:10:00.004+08:00

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I shouldn't really be blogging right now, but,

WHO CARES (:

just a short one.

even if I've written a million essays, I AM STILL UNWRITTEN :D

take it or leave it.

so I'm still probably going to MIA for the next following week due to application matters, and now that I've made up my mind I really really hope to get it. pleaseee! Haaaa :D

Will be back. And I hope all of us applying out there will fulfill your dreams, (if you have been trying hard, i guess ha ha)

and I have been MIA-ing on my tumblr too! )): gosh don't like this feeling. JIAYOU!

shag

2011-03-01T00:19:00.002+08:00

Another long break since the last. (:

Sometimes, I think that I'm such a debater. As if the blood is running inside me all this while. It simply excites me to think that someone has a differing point of view from me, or having the same views as me. Or maybe misunderstood me, and that dying urge just swells up inside me to explain it face to face, without any confusion within black and white.

But anyway, I think I sounded kind of harsh the previous post. OOPS but sometimes when it's those small and deep revelations you kind of crazy and you feel so exhilarated your emotions get the better of you? HA. I don't know, but I still maintain my views after I've came back after such a long time and reflected about it.

It's just...true isn't it (: We are truly individual entities, and there is no possible way (perhaps yes but few) to find that other telepathic empathetic person. Though sometimes, I can't help but feel that I do have a very very close friend who is almost there with me :D I guess this is what you call miracles.

But that aside, I still think it is true. That everyone searches for that perfect person (be it soul mate or bff) the moment they are born. It's innate, for us humans. Regardless of how much a Science person or how much an Arts person, don't tell me you don't feel the same way as I did in the previous post.

I have a feeling that (and just my opinion) everyone longs and subconsciously searches for that empathetic person, just that they never realize it. And people like us (I guess here I'm referring to the original writer who inspired me) who are more emotional and ... (can I say artistic? humane? All of them seems wrong) sensitive, had just simply pointed that out. Pointed out the reality.

All right up til this point I think I'm starting to type a bit incoherently. Today was sort of a really shag day for me, long day with scoldings (of which I had unintentionally emotional blackmailed my class with my hinted tears), CCA and lesson plannings. Sure, we had fun too, destressed by laughing like mad women.

But now, I suddenly had this urge to blog and now typing halfway I guess I cannot continue. The chair I'm sitting on suddenly feels as if it's revolving around!! I think I'm going to pass out (no joke here) soon, so BYEEE(:

I'll continue the rest I wanted to blog about (regarding teaching haha) perhaps another time. love(:

an attempt

2011-02-17T22:00:00.007+08:00

to put revelations into black and white words.

did I ever mention how I admire people who can and love writing? Not just because they have a passion/dream, but partly also because I always admire their abilities to put irrational, intangible pieces of thoughts and emotions into words. what's more, so aptly put, that I am always so exhilarated to read them.

(and perhaps a tinge of sorrow that I do not fall into that category.)

I think that that was how I began to fall in love with English eventually. I had once felt much more affinity towards Chinese (as mentioned before in one of those posts), but slowly, the feeling that English seems to be able to better express deep and complicated emotions through those unique words sort of struck me. And so now here I am, awed by fellow good English writers who enlighten me, or express my heartfelt sentiments so delicately every now and then.

So today was one of those days, and I have bits of reflections here and there. First of all I guess we are all tired, from work and perhaps some family problems. Especially those (us) who are amateurs in the workforce, and are still trying to adapt to the everyday emotion roller coaster ride. It's hectic, it's hard, it's tough. It's depressing, it's demoralizing, it's soul-breaking. To go through a whole new cycle (possibly) each month, week, or even day. How we survive, I don't know. I guess we are still managing and getting used to the new situations.

Yeah, recently we love to joke about how teachers have no life. That aside, I don't deny that there are still beautiful moments though, and we still pull through somehow. Some days are just meant to be spent in a blur, when we sit in a pool of emo shit, or becoming flustered and paranoid over the simplest matter. It's a cycle as I've always emphasized, but something I read today truly stroke me and gave me a revelation.

That the very fact that we ourselves are usually the ones who pull ourselves back up. That as much as we dreamed for, hoped for, longed for that very soulmate who has extraordinary emotional telepathy with us (yeah that's right I could never come up with apt phrases like this, try figure out who is the awesome writer), we are very much often disappointed in the end, as we realize that there may never be such a person who exists after all. We are, after all, individual entities with whole complicated set of minds, and who have been through hundreds and thousands of different childhood. It is already more than enough to ask for someone to understand, lest say empathize with you completely. We never really know what is going on in each other's mind, and perhaps that is also the harsh reality when even the most intimate couples can never be "as one". Perhaps there are a few in this whole wide world, but chances are there will always be a gap between one another.

Which is why when we are in one of those moody days, it mostly turns out that we have to seek solace in ourselves. The best you can get from others is words of comfort, and to be honest for me, most of those shitty days when I'm really down/broken, I am usually too shag and emotionally stretched that I can't even find the strength/energy to utter another sentence to anyone else. So back to my point, this is also some kind of extended reflection/revelation from the previous post. I guess that asides from just knowing that the bad days are only temporary downfalls, deep down inside I might just acknowledge the real and true reason behind the choice of sparing others from all my emo shit --- that I had already/subconsciously realized that it is quite impossible to find that soulmate with amazing telepathy skills. Maybe that is what led me to avoid long lengthy sharing sessions, because I'm actually afraid, or better said tired, of the countless disappointment each sharing session had brought about. And that sinking feeling from each confrontation, with dreams bursting in bubbles one by one when it slowly hits you that the soul mate with amazing empathy doesn't exist.

Don't get too worked up over that seemingly depressing statement if you are beginning to be. Try to think objectively, or maybe from your own point of view: How can you expect something when you yourself can't even achieve/give? For one, I can't even understand myself sometimes, lest say completely feeling the same way as someone do. The very best you can get is complete acknowledgement and love. That's all very good, but another identical brain? I guess not!

(I also suddenly thought of this that reflects extremely well of what I've reflected: Whenever we meet a problem, regardless of how big or small, we are eventually the ones who have to deal with the problem ourselves. Not our friends, not our family, since they are usually not involved, and would not have totally understood since they did not witness it first-hand. They can proffer you strength, provide you with solutions, but they cannot really stand in for you completely. In the end you are the only one who goes through all the emotional up heaves, which ultimately becomes your unique life experiences.)

So ending this lengthy post soon, it all boils down to us eventually. Keep holding on, and keep believing. Something I thought was so true from a drama show I watched today (though a bit off track from what I've just said): 时间终究会愈合所有的伤痛. Cliche, but suddenly very meaningful. Oh, and I thought this was worth thinking about too:

"And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it."
---The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho.

Is it? Possible in our society today? I don't really know. But The Alchemist did really inspire me and brought chills down my spine, once again. It sends me thinking what my Personal Legend is.

[EDIT: Just some after thoughts (it's march 25 now), I guess I never did mention that whatever I said in the above was meant to direct at "completely empathetic/telepathic". Also, I think the quote in The Alchemist does make sense too. Especially when you really want something, you will definitely help yourself first, and that leads to the universe's help.]

Not a quick one after all

2011-02-12T20:46:00.003+08:00

Still trying to sort out thoughts and all, but above all, I believe most of us are exhausted. From work or from lessons etc. Each time, we fall asleep telling ourselves 'Tomorrow's gonna be alright', believing in life and love.

I just hope things do work out from here, our souls don't burn out one day, and we can be happy that we are still living right now, right here.

(But I guess stress is imminent, and it is always there to challenge us, trying to steer us away from simple happiness and losing sight of what we need.)

Just, keep holding on.

Also, certain conversations kind of amuse me. Yeah I know that there are people who care extremely for you, but sometimes I kind of feel that I just want to let things known, but no I don't want any words of comfort. Because I believe that I can get things sorted out eventually, and even if I do need advices or comfort, I would seek them myself. In short, I guess I prefer to be the active one. Being passive just sort of..irks me I guess.

So thank you for whoever that tries to reach out to me at times, it's not that I am reserved or I don't like you, but I have my own plans. I really do just like to rant. With nothing else attached. (: So please, just see/listen, and be silent until I ask.

Which led me thinking, I am truly someone who forgives easily. I don't suppose people forget easily too, but each time I swear to hurt somebody in the future/Break off connections/Never forgive someone, it always fails pathetically. Ha ha ha so never worry for anything serious or shocking I swear when I'm on the verge of breaking down. It never happens.

Why too? I think sometimes I am just too nonchalant/apathetic. Or I refuse to let hate/sorrows consume my heart all the time subconsciously. At least that's healthy, but I think the real reason is that from time to time, I remember this text I've seen before that tells us to appreciate life since we are so lucky. We should be, after all, thankful for being able to wake up in the morning to the annoying alarm, or for being able to complain at work. Because we are blessed with hearing and blessed with something to do.

So, I am someone who subconsciously lets it go. Which is also why I rarely complain to people, or share my feelings with others. Because deep down inside, I know that those feelings are temporary, and that the down phase will eventually pass, and the rainbow will come after the rain. So why should we annoy/bother that unlucky someone with such feelings! But undoubtedly, I admit that we need to vent our emotions too, which is also why I only inform people about how I am feeling currently, but also never delving into details.

(and I guess that is why most people are left hanging there, ha ha! So sorry.) Maybe I'm lazy. But there you have it. I think it is kind of polite and necessary to tell others that you are not exactly feeling your best sometimes, so that they can empathize with you if you sound kind of down/harsh/don't really care to reply at the moment. But anything more than that? Thank you very much but no. I believe it's for your and for my own good.

Things come and go. So why hold on to them and start filling your heart with hatred/sorrow? Live as though it's your last moment, experience life to its fullest (: Because stubbornly holding on to something only makes your life stressful, and painful. Such emotions are good once in a while, but we cannot feel like that forever.

And that is why I think that we must (and is of extreme necessity) complain, be sad, and bemoan over whatever unfair or pathetic lives we are living right now, BUT, we must also never feel that way for long. It is, after all, a temporary phase in life. Be reminded of the simple fact that we are already luckier than many people.

Think that your life is failed currently? Think that your friends/connections are bad? Or that you cannot understand why others can seemingly be better than you in life?

Think again. Maybe all these thinking are the exact reason why your life hasn't changed. Stop comparing with others, stop holding on to the past, and even the present. STOP BEING WHINY ALL THE TIME. There is a difference between "always whine when you have a problem" and "always whining about the same problem". The difference is simple: Let go of whatever misfortunes you think you have, and let new ones in. At least you can whine about different things that proves that your life is moving on. Forgive, and tryy to forget.

That way, we can be happier people, and people will like us. (:

LOVE YOU LOADS!

happy chinese new year!

2011-02-06T15:43:00.004+08:00

LONG BREAK. (:

Have been trying to sort out thoughts and feelings, and I think this post is going to be pure ranting, since I have decided to blog not because of something, but because I have left this hanging here for tooooo long.

hahaha :D

It's always good to start afresh. (visit my tumblr!)

all right perhaps some updates, I have finished The Age of Innocence, asides the bittersweet feeling from reading til the end, I really felt so sorry for Newland, for trying so hard to break free from societal conventions yet to no avail. When he has finally succumbed to it, he watches as the new generation breaks free from it easily, like some devil laughing straight back at him.

I wonder, what his feelings are?

Yet, he had also no courage to take that one last step.

Tragedy.

Sometimes, certain people are just born into the wrong world at the wrong time. Swept away by currents of time, becoming the sacrifices for society.

Hmm. Hence it's now a good time to embark on another journey. Chinese book this time, perhaps (: And Sherlock Holmes too!

And then I'm learning guitar, let's jam together like Girls' Dead Monster and K-ON! Hahaha dreams. And I want to continue with dancing too. everything everything. as long as my body can still take them. Learn Japanese.Practice singing.Read up on future careers.Get another internship.Experience life.

Live as though there is no tomorrow, learn as though it's your last day(:

and, Happy Chinese New Year. I want my pay!

growing up

2011-01-14T20:38:00.002+08:00

today's conversation sparked off an interest and I came home and glanced through my blog archives, long time no see.

ha ha it kind of startles me that I have actually 6 whole years of diary entries, on this remote little online page of mine?

and then I see how much I've changed, from the nonchalant carefree and optimistic little girl to that worrying rebellious person, blahblahblah...and til now, a very apprehensive, passionate, pragmatic idealist.

(i can almost hear jiashen saying, "are you sure you are an idealist!"HA HA.)

huh. sometimes I kind of doubt it too. but I really really truly was simply an optimistic person. until after JC. I do hope many people do not advance to the next level, and become a pragmatic idealist. The mind becomes so convoluted and confused that one does not know how to put dramatic realistic sadistic yet again optimistic thoughts onto paper/(screen).

but anyway, i see the change. and that change leaves a bittersweet feeling lingering, just like how you feel when you finally finish a really good book and see the two words, "The End."

but I really am, I think, an idealist. People who don't know me well think I'm an optimist, always bubbly cheerful and fresh into the world. People who befriends me think I'm still an optimist, constantly bringing laughter to all by being crazy and being stressed at certain times only.

Only people who enter my dreams at night and listening to them talk while I space out on buses know that deep down inside, I'm probably this dark person (heh heh heh) who thinks of the unthinkable.

all right, not unthinkable, but you can't figure out it easily due to it's ambiguity and complicated nature.

but anyway, why have I digressed?

I meant to say that, the idealist still lives. On my tumblr posts, in my heart and out there.

Up to this point, I think I'm pretty much confused with what I've just written.

HAHAHA.

I really really really just wanted to say, after all, is that these 6 years of archive are..

highly amusing.

and I'm glad I've changed(: and that my writing has improved so much more!

Something here that caught your heart?(:

Note: (books to read so that I can cross out more than 30 on the Facebook booklist!)

- Wuthering Heights

- Alice in Wonderland (the original version!)

- 1984

- The Age of Innocence

- Oliver Twist

- blhablhablahlah omg i cannot remember.

hmmm

2011-01-10T21:03:00.002+08:00

apprehensive?

I just hope that everything would be all right.(:

Not just me, but everyone else who might be suffering now. The reason can be as trivial as nothing, but all the same if they're reasons that bother us and test our hearts and souls, may god bless us, and that we may be able to pull through, keep holding on, and move on to a better tomorrow.

this, I hope(:

Time to start beginning a life full of goals, once again! This time there are goals, not just the one which was to simply aim for that final exam results. (ugh and I don't want to think about it, but in March what has to come has to come)

Hence, let's do something crazy and something that nourishes our souls:

- Learn more of Yiruma's piano sheets

- Learn guitar and someday be able to play and sing like Yui!

- Read and read and read everyday

- Learn Japanese

- Dance.

And..more academic based goals:

- A different intern/job to excite our senses soon

- Scholarships and universities applications

Setting targets. ha ha ha but to persevere takes more than that.

something to brighten up my day.

and I must mention that "The Age of Innocence" is truly an enlightening book! I find myself squealing in excitement mentally when I come across sentences and phrases so apt I can relate our society to. Such was the time of the enlightenment and struggle, to break free from society stigmas and turn to a more liberal society. Yet, everything has its pros and cons, and even now I amuse myself with the simple fact that how the liberal (characterized by industrialization) times have actually binded and tied down people just the same way the conservative times have done. just that perhaps we are, still unconscious.

read it!

tired

2011-01-06T00:23:00.003+08:00

虚脱~

i swear applications get on my nerves. ten more and i might die in peace-!

but at least that's one down and some more to go, and meanwhile i can rest for a while and probably count how many calories i've lost during this period of short stress. (Y)

ha haa abnormal sleeping habits, once again.

OH DEAR tomorrow still has another talk! better sleep soon, tata~

and my posts are getting kind of short, perhaps i should have switched to LJ but, who cares! HEEE. or maybe i should change the settings don't know if that works since it didnt for our blogshop?

Alexithymia.

2011-01-04T20:45:00.004+08:00

She is tired, extremely exhausted.

Lying on the bed, she feels mildly amused as she experienced enjoyment at her tears trickling across her cheeks, her neck, and finally dripping slowly onto the pillow. Her hot eyes cooled for a second, and she refused to sit up. For that tiresome, weary feeling might dreadfully creep up upon her immediately, and she could almost feel the steam in her eyes coming back.

Sitting up finally, she stares blankly across the room. Thousands and thousands of emotions, thoughts, surged through her fleetingly, and she was at a loss.

Alexithymia. Yes, surely that was the best word to describe her current feeling.

come back post(:

2011-01-03T02:48:00.002+08:00

hello hello test test test.

ha ha an attempt at a post to re-evaluate and turn the depressing mood here over.(:

as I was talking to Js, I realized that I could have just excelled in philosophy too. (HAHA follow jiunn's footsteps)

but seriously, I'm really grateful to all of you, to Vongola, to all you people(:

Though you people will not come here anyways, thanks.

and thanks to jiunn especially(: you really helped to pull me through for a split second there.

and, I kind of forgot the reason why I started blogging. I guess it was just really an attempt to quickly erase the previous post, but oh wells.

(this post is extremely colloquial, blahblahblah.)

Okay. read my tumblr then. when words forget how to convey emotions and thoughts, photos do.

oh, and more photos are uploaded on our blogshop, though no one can find it because we've used fake names, ha ha ha! Beg me to give you the url(:

and thus ended another day of absolute downfall. Efforts to change abnormal sleeping habits always fail, and the heart refuses to find determination to apply for scholarships.

come on man, this is no light matter. it's money for four whole years! CONCENTRATE.

when will this end?

2010-12-22T22:08:00.002+08:00

sigh life does have a lot of irritating disturbing things going around to bother you and fuss you around. what a lot better if we didn't all have secrets and things can be made so explicit to each other with that simple "fuck off!" in the faces which my father so endearingly attached himself to whenever a point or a stance is made.

right there. i just sweared again. indirectly.

but the truth is the world has no place for one to be so honest, so revealing to each other, because what that does only hurts each other with daggers and arrows which words had turned into.

you know, i really look up to people who not only ambition to be, but also practise to be a writer(:

words are marvelous, deep and enchanting.

anyway some updates, have been slacking and going out and also finding some time to worry about university matters. have set up a blogshop together with bff, HEE. just some fun i guess, and really really great to catch up with your bestest friend after the strenuous As.

it's times like this, that you really think that we're kind of lucky to have still stuck together, after all these years, and hope that this really doesn't die off. the opportunities in life when you spill your darkest/pained secrets to each other and yet they come out flowing like the least problems in the world(:

anyway, i have been at least two tones darker than what i usually am, owing to the fact that we've been swimming (twice, but mainly still recovering from the first swim that really burnt us two degrees darker haha)

anyway, here's just a post to life my mind off matters, and not to feel so much angsty or irritated.

and, i shall attempt to sleep earlier and (hence) wake earlier.

HA!

(:

2010-12-12T23:26:00.002+08:00

edit: did i ever mention how absolutely excited and touched i was, when i found that someone in reality really did manage to capture what was portrayed in my most favourite from kagaya?

moral of the story: tumblr rocks.

hopes

2010-12-12T23:01:00.001+08:00

it is time,

to go to my tumblr(:

and perhaps find some hope in there!

happiness relinquishes

2010-12-12T01:29:00.002+08:00

it sort of alarms me how people around me are already receiving their offers and acceptance into oxford and stanford, etc etc etc.

and there i thought i was faster than others too.

surprise, surprise.

it's not at all "early" to be already thinking about which course to take in university, or scholarship or blahblahblah. that's for people who have probably lost their goals or never had one to begin with.

or perhaps one needs to accept the fact that there are indeed some who have different tempo than others? some who are fated to become the next great person of the nation, or...

it;s kind of scary.

but maybe, just like what they say, 上帝在冥冥之中已经为你安排好了。

and everything happens for a reason, we just have to place our faith in it.

(i realise the old optimism is working again.)

but then again, i feel that this optimism is very much something that happens in a blink of the eye. the moment i publish this post, close the computer, those frightening scenes and thoughts come up upon me again.

perhaps, happiness relinquishes as time forgets.

who knew?

paranoia

2010-12-10T00:56:00.003+08:00

this generation.

that generation.

i fear, i fear(:

are we for the better or for the worse? ohmygosh sounds like im really reflecting on these few days of training but anyway, they can be linked or singular.

i dont know what to write anymore.

moments ago i think i was kind of angsty and angry even, but i guess mood swings around more easily lately, especially after this year, and nothing really matters anymore.

after all, in the end, we all move on.

recently i seem to be in lesser control of my temper, (a sudden realization!) :O

i dont know if it's for the better or for the worse, too, but i guess it's time i learn how to employ this to my advantage(: i feel that perhaps in the past i was just too...soft-hearted? or compliant? is that the word?

perhaps my random burst of emotions (and voiced out these times) can after all help me fight for my rights and be strong.

after all, we should grow stronger by the second.

hee hee i think it's only now that i really realise the difference they say, that of the difference between an arts and a science students. the mind really works differently and truly throws you into new perspectives :D

but i still maintain that, after all these years, im glad to be an arts student :D

HAHA i love to feel the humanity inside me (:

(and perhaps that would pose a great problem if i really took up computing? idk haha or it can be a worthy challenge, to see from different perspectives)

even though arts has sort of opened me up to the dark world, with philosophies and ideologies oh-so-complicated, enabled me to think in the deepest waters and meaning of life etc, i guess i learn how to treasure life more(:

(see see i still am directing myself towards optimism haha i guess it's kind of healthy)

so i guess, writing it all out does help? (:

it's always like this huh i realise, start off in heartwrecks, pains and cynicism, but after the words flow for a while, you realise that they direct you slowly towards the light.

words have power.(:

brilliant ones.

and if i constantly write (and cry), i think i can safely secure my sanity and optimism in life (:

it's kind of vague huh. and all of you have no idea yet as to why i started this post and/or the specific event which led me into kind-of-pessimism, heeheehee.

it's a habit. and even more so after learning csc HA.

i think i am truly an arts student(:

and, i think i should blindly believe for a while and allow my soul and heart some freedom they deserve.

time to slack!(:

p.s: perhaps i would still blog that post i promised!

考试间喘口气，

2010-11-26T21:55:00.002+08:00

说点有的没的。

其实还没考完试，但已经没那个心情了，觉得似乎会遭到某种天谴，但好像又没有很在乎。

是心已飞到九霄云外，还是……

和妈妈偶尔的谈话，心里感到一阵甜，一阵酸……很多事情，真的是在那一瞬间。错过了，改变你的一生。更让你惊讶的是，你竟不知它存在过。有些人勇敢地站出来了，也未曾留下遗憾，但结果也并没很完美。

不过至少，他们试过？

人和人之间的相处就是如此微妙。让你老后仍回味无穷，在心田上占据了那么一块永耕地，密封不动地，有一天再悄悄找上已退色的记忆。

好像本来还有些什么灵感，但刚刚的一个小插曲让我忘掉了。

记得后，再写吧。

最近心情也一直低落，不知是否考试太久了没运动/没能转换心情/太久没正常地过活，还是真的已对世界失去信心（由或者自己真的只是爱玩、懒惰、不上进）……都太烦人了。(who knows, maybe after A levels I'll forget all these. if that's really so then it's true that this is A levels' fault. and I'd be really happy that I've yet to turn into an absolute pessimist and fall into a state of depression)

经过好久的挣扎，我那天在日记上写道："I guess in the end, we just move on."

p.s: I'll (perhaps) post up the entire content after As one day.

2010-10-28T20:38:00.002+08:00

csc essay is giving me the pains. why is it that i can spend hours and hours doing one essay so painstakingly?!

god give me power, i pray for strength and perseverance.

12 more days to a levels!

:OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

minus today which is 11 days.

WHAT HAVE I DONE. CLL MEMORIZING, MATH PRACTICING, GP STUFF ARE WAITING FOR ME.

NOT TO MENTION ELL. WHY HAVENT I STARTED ELL AT ALL?

(because i've spent too much time on csc? -.-)

sighhh okay now's the time to do it.

hee hee i feel like recent posts are so much of a ranting. not really accustomed to such style yet (given that previous posts were all so dark, convoluted and depressed)

k im done!!(:

lets' go out to see the sun

2010-10-24T17:53:00.005+08:00

finally raining made the haze went away temporarily :D

i can breathe again!!

and this weather makes me sleep easily.

and then again, 15 more days to A levels, not counting today ):

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG.

it feels so damn fast. and near. gosh what have i been doing.

at least i have some sort of worry now.

CMON YOU CAN DO IT.

ell math csc cll GP.

hee hee i think my math and cll are like dead. period.

and me ell = no practice

FIFTEEN DAYS LEFT. AINT GOOD. JIAYOUJIAYOUJIAYOU
wake up earlier each day and sleep earlier. waste little time and stay healthy.

:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

and then a few days of mock tests (oo left gp and math and cll already. cant believe i took ell mock so early without really studying. sucks ): ell mock should have been later so that there's a positive force to make me study and practice more! and the csc mock was seriously like attending some kind of csc summer camp it was kind of ineffective at the end ): but at least i finally got to understand what kind of relationship china has with ASEAN, and the U.S. ha ha!)

okay to anyone who ever comes again to this deserted site, eat well, sleep well, be happy, dont talk to strangers and mug with full force!

(though i hope i'd do that too hee hee)

JIAYOU. beautiful days lie ahead waiting for us. i cant wait to see the sun again(:

on a side note, im going to be quarantined for ell A levels because I am the only person in the cohort that is crazy enough to take CLL and ELL together. awesomeee.

i hope the RI teachers would seem more amiable.

HEE.

tata~

edit: on a side note, i forgot to mention that I'm no longer angsty/depressed or anything haa. thank you loads mummy (though you will never come here to read this hee) i can never express my gratitude :D you'll definitely become an awesome psychologist imo and hope we'll still stay in contact when you go to HARVARD (and all the others too sigh) !! thanks to all those who cared and encouraged meh (:

entitled: falling to pieces

2010-10-17T20:39:00.003+08:00

i think it's not uncommon for everyone to know i'm quite a heavy sleeper. and that the word 'quite' is underestimated.

i'd sleep normally like everyone else do, wake up late into the afternoon and unsurprisingly still able to will myself to sleep a few hours later, only to wake up feeling indifferent to my parent's naggings and my inner self conscious. that tells me i'm living like worse than a pig and it's time to buck up seriously, because this is really the last lap and you've worked so hard and this is the moment.

i don't really think that im burning out though, you know.

from what i observe/my inner self-conscious tells me, i can do way way way, better than this. back to that primary 6 moment when everything i did was study and all i cared was to reach my goals and score a perfect score.

but no, no matter how many times my inner self tells me that this is the last lap and that i should start panicking for all my lousy subjects and not-very-excellent-subjects, i still wake to drowsiness and indifference.

and everything in the previous night turns into this numbness and...hatred.

probably at myself.

but i think i know the reason. it's not burnout phase, it's not.

instead i'm starting to believe that it's because im starting to lose all my emotions, once and for all.

it (kind of) worries me that i can actually no longer feel passion, or (even) love, for the world's beautiful things. although a huge part of me still believe that they're out there.

but. i don't know why, but i think each time i will myself to sleep, im trying to escape from this screwed up world and society of ours. from all the misshapen and unfortunate.

each time i wake up, i fear living and hence i force myself to sleep, once again, falling into the deep slumbers.

GOD what has happened to me. i think i've become too philosophical and reality is harsh.

it's kind of really frightening, you know.

i need to find back my younger self when everything was at the peak. when i was always full of optimism to myself and such. not that im not now, you know. it's just that, i feel im being optimistic to everyone. except for myself.

this ain't healthy.

okay i think i need to embark on a healthier lifestyle, once and for all, while there's still 2+weeks left to everything.

sighhh.

and im afraid i'll bemoan the time lost.

i hate this part of me.

BYE. off to do csc essay. hopefully, 我不会再如此病态地睡下去。

(i think im rather influenced by 莫醒醒. “累了，让我继续睡。”

(edit: okay i think i was too pessimistic suddenly. ha ha im not that serious til i cant feel passion or love i think. im just, unable to translate those feelings into real actions. anyway. wanted to share a video. once again, i was gaping in awe looking at the magical movements across black and white keys)

love(:

2010-10-12T18:46:00.002+08:00

I love Yiruma and Hayao Miyazaki in a way that I think very few people will understand.♥

--written on impromptu(:

Sometimes I really wonder what I'll do if they didn't exist at all. They make my life meaningful and inject hope into my distressed soul. Their brilliant works inspire me, make me cry, laugh, and anticipate. Strength is what they are capable of giving to others indirectly.

that said, i think today was a rather productive day, despite sleeping too much (once again).

byee, because life's like this.

music is ____.

2010-10-09T22:13:00.002+08:00

"have been mentally strained with headache stemming from continuous attempts to digest information, coupled with the vast disappointment and anguish directed at oneself for not being adept enough to achieve that one (and only) diploma. and then everything suddenly became so much better (finally) when i lied on the bed and switched on my long parted (two weeks worth) ipod(: the first song that blasted into my ears was River Flows In You on my newly created 'all time favs' playlist, and then all of a sudden i was crying, crying.

for everything that never was and never will be.

and for others.

After that piece, i felt as if something had been lifted off from my burdens, like vapour dissipated into the air, and i felt like i was being comforted, like a vulnerable child. listening to the subsequent songs miraculously filled me with waves of love, and gratitude surged through me like it has never been before (in these few rare months).

And i forgave myself.

then i thought, this is an endless cycle, where we hope, fall, despair (even hate), only coming back round to hoping.

and music has proven itself ___ (miraculous?dont know what's the right word here), working magic when you need it most--souls cleansed and worries temporarily forgotten."

notice how the word temporarily is in bold.

ha ha ha the above = some days ago when i was still brooding over my 2.5 marks.

nothing else said(:

and then that was wrote down in a hurry (with some editing now), just in case such flickering thoughts and feelings disappear in the next second. (:

jiayou everyone, im back to finishing my csc essay by tonight.

somehow, when you type it out, the words just dont flow like they do on paper.

dreams

2010-10-03T15:02:00.005+08:00

tumblr is addictive.

and that's a declarative, with the omission of modalization and the use of present tense (active verb), hence constructing factual orientation and universal truth. (also increased power of..expertise?)

wa ha ha!

that's like the basic of the basic in ell. hah i wonder when it will be one level uppp. anyway yesterday was baguette's 20th birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

and you got a POLAROID CAMERA im freaking jealous! :O i want to see bring it back the next time you come home! anyway hope you had a great time and forget about getting old and stuff, because you're young at heart ♥

(and i hope we could all stop feeling so old)

and and and dreams. sighh lately i've been dreaming a lot, and have been wondering about my dreams too :O

punpun! anyway all right shan't elaborate too much on it. hee and i kind of forgot what i wanted to post (Y)

OHH reminder to myself:

1. buy yiruma's albums/download his songs! (It's Your Day and others)

2. no more ha ha ha tbc.

should i perhaps ban facebook :OO and limit my tumblr sprees ha ha all right back to studying come on you can do it!!! ((:

JIAYOU TO EVERYONE OUT THERE STRUGGLING. ♥

hee sometimes i feel that im quite professional. (scotland)

tumblr!

2010-09-29T16:40:00.001+08:00

GOSH tumblr is just so awesome. i have to stop myself just in time if not i would have wasted too much time browsing through everything.

reminder to oneself: reblog photos from hayao miyazaki (that spirited away quote) and many more(:

torn apart

2010-09-28T20:56:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, I feel like this existence of humans is purely facade. I'd cry in showers questioning the necessity of our survival and secretly curse why the fucking hell is this world so screwed.

and also, there will always be this undeniable, inconvenient truth that parents can never truly understand their child no matter how hard they try.

-taken from my diary planner.

some days it just feels so screwed up and even profanities can be uttered. i seriously think im getting too old by the second. :O

that aside, it's not a very good time to be pensieve about this because for now, we have to focus on cold hard facts, i.e. timed comprehension due on thursday.

god bless my GP.

on a side note, new tumblr up :D (finally) though i am most definitely not going to abandon my four years worth of archive here(: so tumblr's just gonna be my channel for deeper thoughts, inspirational moments and dreams compiled and compressed into quotes and pictures.

it is really user friendly :D should have tried it million years ago hahaha! so i guess there will be lesser photos and pictures here?

www.thesandglass.tumblr.com

it's under my blog links too :D (under heartit)

pensieve

2010-09-23T20:55:00.002+08:00

prelims over and i find myself refreshening up by surfing tumblr, listening to soothing songs posted up by others (surprisingly not yiruma but maybe later ha ha that reminds me), quite on the contrary to what i've believed i would be doing, like watching youtube or pet society or even watching ppstream?

this feeling of aging, and this feeling of cleansing the soul (Y)

and i realise that i have shut myself out from msn for so long that now when i open it it lags my computer and so i have no choice but to close it down again. (Y)

god's will?

pieces of pensieve thoughts floating around in my mind. (and i cant type heart icons anymore, i dont know why)

"i still want to be a teenager and do crazy things!"

i dont know why but im already fearing of what's to come. tied together with the unsure future, and the tempo of the music quickening, "i am too young to feel this old"

so many people are feeling the same thing too, and this is what tumblr assures you huh.

i think, i'm getting a tumblr(:

finally huh.

translating these melancholies into words and pictures (this somehow reminds me of 锦瑟)

i wonder how my Prelims went. this time it felt so empty and i dont even know my ways anymore.

just hope everything would be better:O

I think. I used symbolism in this post (ha ha).

it's hard to imagine what happens next, and where to go from here. and the idea of fearing the years to come is itself a scary thing. because it reminds me of Tales From Earthsea when the fear of aging indicates the very fear of living, and if it was all to be true, this means, indefinitely, that i'm constantly refusing to live?

i dont know anymore.

but then again, how am i supposed to accept living when i dont even know my goals and such, maybe it just boils down to a simple love? love, to live for others. (Y) to Tales From Earthsea. did i just solve my problem?

but it seems somewhat (very in fact) idealistic in this modernized and commercialized world of ours.

ohmygod it's back to this.

i hear the music tempo quickening again (no this time round, im really listening to the same music. but then again) and that faint sigh coming from beneath those heavy dreams that visit more and more often.

i dont know i dont know i dont know.

Everyone becomes alone someday living on only in memories.

i just hope, by then i would similarly have the courage to face it, that impending judgement.

the faith and courage and love to let yourself go, to accept living, to acknowledge that you have once lived meaningfully, and to have painted your white canvas in a vigorous rainbow

ANGEL BEATS! (Y)

(ha ha ha, to have ended this whole pensive post in a simple anime.suggests its deepness)

传奇

2010-09-11T22:16:00.004+08:00

it's been like eon years due to prelims and soon to be A levels, and this sudden surge of feeling to post something. purely coincidental, purely Madeleine.

shall repost some photos from before,
a sum up of how i'm feeling now, tiny emotions that burst into sparkles, leaving tails of neon stardust so beautiful, yet impalpable contents
this picture by kagaya(: has never failed to make me fantasize the impossible. maybe the earth a million years later? it could just be a reversion, who knows, with intelligent mammals finally dominating the clear still waters, creating ripples with their playful jumps and flapping of the fins (: and maybe, there can be a possibility, of exploring the clear waters and admiring the sunken cities once flourished with modernization.

that all the boisterous and chaos would have finally fallen silent, submerged in the deep cool waters(:
every year i will post this picture up. let's reflect and give our blessings(:and just a random photo, done by me for the class prom mag (:

and lastly(: im starting to fall in love with song lyrics. i used to be non-chalant once, but. anyway please enjoy :D i think her voice has got such feel!

tata. wasted some time. oops.

我仍然脆弱

2010-08-15T23:57:00.002+08:00

前不久让心灵放了个假，理论上是不道德的，但ironically道德上是必要的。我选择相信后者，因为这更实际不是吗(:

每次得出的结论依然是，我得更努力/坚强。in every possible way.

有时很喜欢读书的感觉，但有时那种读书的力量就是累积不起，自己也不知道该怎么去面对。

最近觉得英语实在是个十分复杂却深奥的东西，以前曾经鄙视过它缺乏系统性（字与字、词与词之间很少有连贯性），导致许多字眼都太晦涩难懂，无法像方块字那样从表面上就能译出意思。（说到底就是因为自己英语不好所以指责它没有内涵）什么impeccable, impalpable之类的词，还是华语更有艺术特色，更简练精准。

但是最近还是认为英语仍然有它的魅力(:

the opposite of love is not hate, it's actually ignorance.

突然想到这么一句(:

transient thoughts or perennial issues?

blahblahblah.

我得继续努力了(:

加油！

revelations(:

2010-08-07T22:10:00.002+08:00

hi, i realise to my horror that i cant type hearts anymore with my keyboard, which proves to be quite disastrous!

nothing much to blog about, just sudden amusement of how everyone has changed.

even i have changed. :O

(surprise, surprise)

i think that it would be of no surprise if that happens too, haha((:

some photos..

i hope to be able to shoot like that too(:

and i have a sudden crave to cosplay....yui! haha surprise surprise.

but before that, let's work harder for (now) prelims/A levels and keep our souls nourished.

and then we can go and learn a third language, guitar, contemp dance and...find two jobs! :D

dreams dreams.

what's this shivering feeling that I have?

and i hope to taste freedom soon, very soon. it will all be over in an instance. and onto another journey in life, fulfilling our destiny as humans and go through this cycle of life..

gosh stop everytime when i venture too close to that area, i have to stop myself. because if not ill once again question the philosophy of life and purpose of living. and the end and all.

are idealists doomed to be unhappy D:

the meaning of life. sighh.

some photos to marvel the beauty (:

ranting(:

2010-07-27T22:25:00.003+08:00

sometimes i can't help but wonder how pathetic/unnecessary this world is. D:

it's the same old thing again, reiterated so many times that i don't know how to put it across anymore. i just hope, someone out there understands this struggle we go through everyday. though no true physical hardships, the amount our heart is subjected to is already twice as much.

okay i know i have awkward sentences, wa ha ha!

just ranting, just ranting.

it's escapism in the face of countless little things here and there (and surmount to huge piles of burdens)

if i wasn't such a perfectionist, would i have been better off?

or rather, if i wasn't such an idealist, would i have been happier?

or both?

i dont know. just thought that the posts lately are getting darker and darker in tone.

be stronger(:

(and back to endless lunwen, emcee, math, csc essays, SL reports, ELL compilations)

because everyone's the same. just that some people (imo) will adapt quicker and survive better :O

okay no more nonsense. it's study time~

stronger(:

2010-07-25T18:57:00.005+08:00

HI, I'VE GOT THIS SUDDEN URGE TO BLOG. (:

and after all these years, i suddenly realise that i have almost zero (and perhaps just this one) icons depicting girls/people who are actually truly happy, and laughing out loud when they should. i guess i am truly not a happy girl by default, which is quite a different thing from what i used to believe in.

(or perhaps i was just too ignorant, i dont know)

anyway, there's no real purpose of this entry, and i feel like sometimes life's so full of hope yet sometimes so depressing. and for me, these moments fluctuate on a more frequent basis than others, and recently the extent for each has been escalating exponentially, leaving me wondering (amusedly) whether a day will come when the down moments are so excruciatingly painful that i decided to end it once and for all without waiting for the change :O

hahaha decisions, decisions. i like the way it's said (:

but i believe i will stay sane and practical (with of course, sensible notions)

haha i dont even know what im saying anymore!

anyway, here's a tribute to life, wishing everyone in the world to keep holding on, and be stronger ((:

speaking of which, i've always wanted to download this song due to it's continuous repeating of the phrase "be stronger, i will be stronger" that has brought me some hope and determination in life :D finally went to search for the lyrics just now and surprisingly the lyrics made me love the song even better, because it actually brought out the exact feelings i felt when i first heard the song (:

because a lot of time when i finally decided to search for lyrics and when they weren't within my expectations (which is almost most of the time), i feel a bit disappointed since it cant portray my feelings aptly. (Like Jordin Sparks' Worth the Wait', but luckily the melody is still unbeatable)

Then again you cant blame anyone, since almost all songs written today portray love and only a lil portion of them focuses on other aspects of life/other feelings, and that is pretty sad.

so anyway, do enjoy Ariel and Alexandria Moore's "Stronger". I especially like the first verse(:

(p.s: sisters ftw!)

fragile

2010-07-22T21:05:00.002+08:00

time has become such a rare item that i find myself wandering at times, knowing that there aren't anymore seconds to grab on to and yet hesitating, unsure of the path(s) ahead.

so cruel, so practical, so damaging.

and what's left of the ___?

beware, i fear that i am fragile.

there isn't really a clear, delightful or warm ambiance ahead waiting, just tons and tons of heavy mists dripping apprehension all over, getting closer and closer by the day as our age falls off clandestinely.

it must be really comforting, or even exciting to have an obvious light somewhere out there.

because i fear that i am delicate.

(and of what may come next)

decisions, decisions.

all of us loiters around dark holes, uncertain as we watch some of the others jump in decisively.

but i hold back,

petrified of the musical tinkling when ___ shatters.

(and then sometimes i wonder how conforming we have become, stifling creativity and impeding true passion or potential, or paths wrongly taken since young, all because of this meritocratic and rote learning education?)

Just for this once,

Please be brave.

Please be strong.

(because I will be stronger)

thank you people (:

2010-07-15T20:24:00.003+08:00

hahah gosh so long since ive been here, and i just wanted to say thank you all for making my birthday such a wonderful memory!! ♥♥

this is really the first time ive celebrated my birthday like this, and thank you all my friends and beloved for making my day((:

thanks to yenchuan for celebrating my actual birthday, first time singing kbox with two people only (and is awesome satisfying experience!), and love your presents (My Melody is so cute and especially love the beautiful vintage windchime from DeArt that seemed only possible in dreams♥)

and then thanks to bingkun hanyong and zhenglin for organizing my surprise party haha GOSH. im not sure if there are other organizers but everyone was so awesome!!! I was really almost going to believe that the celebration stopped at bugis and with bingkun claiming everything was so fail hahaha (:

and yupps thanks to everyone else that came and surprised me, with jiashen (you spent so much on that day so sorry and thanks!) jiunn (mummy!) earnest (kami samaaa) yingci (drunkard :D) san zijing and finally zhenyao (dodo!!!) for rushing over at the last moment hahaha!

yes and i really really really love all the presents yall gave me ((: best year ever ♥

bk: thanks for the planning haha its like a present alrdy :D and your cutest singable bear ever!

hy: love the "love 2 dance" shirt hahaa and the awesome designer notebook cant bear to use it!

js: gosh i cant believe you spent so much, the bag is really a very pretty lil thing, and the shirts skirt and necklace too!! not to mention your treat at swensens :OOOO

yingci: for your yummy chocs haha got me fat!

earn: inspiring cards that has so much meaning! love these type of life motivation things hehh(:
san+zijing: haha although i dont have earholes, love the star bottle and the earrings!♥

zy: handmade keychain is awesome to the max! love the design ♥

haha okay thats probably about it already, of course you people wont come here (most) but i shall just record for memory keepsakes (: so that i can remember how you people tricked me all the way to bugis, made me wait for an hour before "celebrating" with a few people only and successfully made me a lil disappointed/sad, before finally tricking me home and surprising me at my very own house!

haha and erm for others, thanks also to :

ewezang: haha stupid baguette thanks for pretty planner now i got so many pretty notebooks i dont know and dont bear to use them anymore!

guofei: for your wonderful fantabulous music box in the form of a blue crystal piano! :DD this is really super delicate love it loads thankss!

lingxue: haha i cant believe you got me a present too just because of a random question ♥ first time someone got me something from The Body Shop my favourite shop for nourishing body products!

and of course ht: thanks for your super cute and smells-so-nice honey pumps lip gloss from Majorlica Majorca! :O Love loads! haha♥

(and thank you mum for giving birth to me♥)

LOVE YOU GUYS(:

as promised,

2010-07-10T22:19:00.002+08:00

今天，没有星星。

然后，我望着这无星的一片黑，哭了。

为了自己的无能，为了无法被谅解的心，为了现在生活的无奈，为了社会不必要的种种枷锁，为了这一切的一切……

为了活着。

总之，心情非常的差，所以视线模糊了。

似乎每次提不起劲时，都是用这个办法，但最近好像对这个世界，甚至生命的悟性太深了，致使恐惧感（或怨恨？也有可能是无奈中产生的绝望）越爬越近，心，也更痛了。

痛痛快快地哭一场吧。眼泪流干后，是新的开始，人也感到更有精神了。活着，确实是世上最悲哀的事，但这是一种无奈，是我们能体会到人世间美好的唯一代价。

所以，我们是不是更应该去把握这些美好的事物？

so deep.我不愿再进一步追究。

累了。请让我继续睡。

please be brave.

reminiscence

2010-07-07T02:54:00.002+08:00

hi i'm here(: blocks are finally over, and i suddenly have the urge to blog at an unearthly hour of 3am, provided that i have at least a bit of time to spend now :D

and i promise to blog about something i really wanted to reblog about (from my own written some-sort-of-diary). perceptions about life and the world, and how each time i think about it i seem to have a bit more understanding about this universe we are in, not scientifically, but rather socially or psychologically. ha ha sometimes i think i dwell too much into it, but i guess in order to really survive in this world one needs to face not only the good side and also the bad side, as well as any other gray areas(:

(and i think im slowly beginning to navigate myself into the gray area, excellent. no sarcasm intended)

because i think i am beginning to perceive the world in a nuanced kind of view (ha ha gosh so GP styled but yes whatever we've learnt arms us for this isn't it). ha ha kind of difficult to explain never mind i will post next time fore sure (:

and it's going to be my 18th birthday :O not much intention to change (unless it's for the better, again debatable what is better), and not much feelings of significance once again. it's kind of like once you grow older, these kind of things doesn't really matter much anymore and you just lament how you really grew up and think (therefore behave) like your parents. and then you realise you don't really care if your friends gave you any awesome presents or remembered your birthday (contrary to young when it means everything in the whole world) anymore, because you already treasure the times you spend together everyday ♥

but you will still try to remember theirs, because you want to (:

(even if you might be forgetful and become truly sorry if you forget one)

okay i sort of lost the momentum for blogging ha ha. will visit in prob a days time (: jyaa.

if theres a road laid out for you, it's in you.

2010-06-16T20:10:00.005+08:00

at the moment i feel like giving up.

sighhh.

can i make it through that? when i refuse to give up trying this.

promises that keep getting broken.

shattered faith,

please be brave.

mood extremely down. haha but never mind i shall blog some videos to divert my attention(:

1: what an awesome (vintage) amusement park they managed to get for their MV filming,
2: i want to visit such a beach someday too, with those long grass and worn out fences♥,
3: awesome vocals (: and so young too,
4: snapshots of this MV would be awesome photos, maybe i can take some one day too♥

and another one:

1: yes he can sing!!!!♥♥♥

2: he's yiruma. the song is River Flows In You (with lyrics!).

3: and he's my ichiban idol (((:

4: please visit www.yiruma.com haha ♥ i love his photos!

5: and i just realised that this piece is sung by Ruvin (whoever he is, you'll get to hear him when you go yiruma's website), but in this video yiruma sings live :D imo the two sounds amazingly similar hahaha

refuses to write a title for this

2010-06-14T20:48:00.003+08:00

我该如何是好？
我知道这里几乎没有人来(:
it's all right it's like a real personal diary. 这么地记录着成长的一点一滴，青春的生涩，童年的无知。
不过怎么好像偏题了？

i guess my original purpose of coming here was no purpose after all.
except, that i think im really not the type of doing things that im not good in. which boils down to almost everything, and the conclusion that im quite a useless person.
but i hope i can work harder towards everything, and be a better person each day, even though it's so hard and it takes so much.

why is it so easy for some person to find that determinaton while it doesn't for me, i don't know.

我希望，可以出国念书，去看看外面的世界，去感受丰富的文化，被异国风情包围住。但是我所重视的一切事物，它们还会在吗？漫长岁月之际，是否还能一切荡然存在？更何况，外面的世界就能如此轻易包容我？

我不相信，但是我仍然向往。

all these littlest things. the other day I suddenly had a revelation about tattoos (haha), and decided that if i one day had to get a tattoo, it has got to be a piano ♥ which replaced the star I had so persistently sought for, and does this mean that my love for piano/music has successfully overpowered my passion for starry nights :O

haha i guess not im thinking that it's the design problem. i dont know why but i think a star, the five-point-polygon shaped deisgn is really...something that's unable to bring out the essence of a true star. Countless times when I tried to love and draw that shape but realised in the end i'd rather draw a heart instead -.-
hahaha this goes to show how awesome a star is and no one can successfully portray it! (I wonder why a 5 point polygon shape was decided to represent a star, just like why a heart shape has to go like this ♥, but oh wells) I am more inclined to think that a cross makes a star looks nicer :D

and which is why i am so inclined to buy that vintage zumreed inspired headphones but that stupid idiotic star design is what that's hindering me!!! AHHH. and it's so cliche, hate to say it hahah.
maybe i'll get the ripples inspired ones instead! but i really really like the two colours ): since they're my favourite colours. hahah

OKAY enough rambling to myself and back to torturing lunwen. it's something thats draining my soul and passion and energy and i feel like such a useless person.
back to first point(:

[edit] OH ON A SIDE NOTE, yes im into classical music i guess i was totally off point for a while haha but anyway, yiruma is awesome :D i have become his fan hahaha personal page added to my loves! (there he goes together with kagaya♥) oh yes maybe that was what i intended to blog about with relation to the piano tattoo, but i think i got haywire halfway talking about stars hahaha ♥

strongly recommends: Maybe, Before Stars Sleeping, What Beautiful Stars (I'm going to learn all these three if it takes forever!)
and River Flows In You/Kiss The Rain if you haven't heard of them already, and if you really haven't you're a douche. HAHA oops.
(and i realise huang cheng kops yiruma's songs, awesome)
(on another side note, River Flows In You IS NOT and WILL NEVER BE Bella's Lullaby! -angry- how can yiruma ever be related to Twilight Saga!!!Although many people will get to know of Yiruma through this)

what else. OH YES haha celebrated birthdays wth daddy and mummy at Sakae Sushi and nydc respectively, plus shopping at bugis street awesome :D hahaa thanks to American Express Rewards Points we got free meals at high class restaurants hahaha! and it's been so long since I did serious shopping and I love the items I got!! :D:D

OH i bought back my awesome blue ribbon hahaha! woooh! plus a ton of awesome hair accessories (yes im into ribbons and all those i'm gonna wear them while my age still permits) and awesome dress and a pretty gothic skirt HAHA. not that gothic as compared to the others or ewe will puke seriously. (:

OKAY TATA. wow to think a second edit can bring so many things. i wish i could upload photos but time does not permit and so off i go to lunwen(:

please be brave.

2010-06-11T21:47:00.001+08:00

要调整心情，怎么就那么难呢。

there was no parade

2010-06-07T21:04:00.003+08:00

and I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't wanna talk about it
and I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't wanna talk about it
'cos I'm in love with you

Repitition but I really love how Avril's songs portray such emotions with just a few lines♥
Sometimes we just don't feel like saying it out, rather just seeking comfort, searching for that undoubting acknowledgement and the strength coming from the wordless.

I think it applies to so many situations, especially for me(: and no not always sad moments, instead most of them come when I'm valuing personal time. haha I think I'm valuing more of my personal time, and it's awesome if you can also share those silent thoughtful moments with someone you are really close to.
haha I suddenly thought of something ht said about sleeping x) randomness!

But it's just so true when you feel that you just don't want to say anything, or express your thoughts explicitly at that moment, and all you want to do is just to hope for mutual/quiet understanding. or it really irks you in a way, haha(:
and then perhaps the time will come for you to say whatever you want. or maybe not but still.

(:

and then today's experiences got me thinking, once again, about what I'm doing with this tiny life of mine? sort of forgot what inspired me, but the conclusion I got out from it all was, life is so simple, yet so complicated. (haha okay I think my inspiration was from Angel Beats! and listening to all those lep forum)
but yes anyway. we realise that life is actually so, so simple. what we actually are looking for in life, that ultimate goal or dream that constantly motivates us to survive and keep holding on, is usually so....simple. be it the ability to smile, to laugh, to love, to be happy, or to be with your loved ones♥ Just like how Yui's wish was only to have the right to love and be loved, these are things that enrich our souls and keep us going.

but the process?along the way it gets so complicated and along the way we might not know what we've turned into. added values, added egoism or materialism and such things.
sometimes we only get to know what the most simplistic (and most fulfilling) dream is when we are stripped off of our ability to do so.
and that goes to this:
awesome much :D this picture really made me look at things from another viewpoint.
gosh we are so blessed with countless things we take for granted. Think of Yui in her previous life and look at this picture again.
and I thought I understood how blessed I was.
♥

haha okay just a little snippet (long since I did such a long post :D im happy!) before I get a bit more depressed at the moment due to lunwen and the upcoming lep camp (equating to lesser time for mugging purposes, but nevertheless a great thing if you don't count the tests).
gosh society is such a pain. why couldnt we have been more simplistic and less modern? ha ha oh my god this is where it dawns on me that I'M ACTUALLY AN IDEALIST!

haha guess that was still expected .__. after all those countless reflections and psychology stuff?
but then again wouldn't idealists be pretty sad in this world where ideals can't happen?
HAHA guess I shouldn't dwell into this too much. ((: IGNORANCE IS BLISS or I think I can go crazy in my own ponderings one day.

JUST SMILE. BYEEEEEEE(:
(back to complaints on lunwen. haha JIAYOU. this is the 18 year old life oh no I want to stay 18 forever please)

i was walking alone, and everyone was waiting

2010-06-01T00:44:00.003+08:00

hello i've been slacking gosh. okay stop right there, halt thou shalt not proceed.
pull back and focus on more important things! one month is really short soon will be 4 months left to As! use this chance to seriously buck up now!
:O you've had your long break now is the time to focus! then you can talk about play hard only when you've proved that you studied hard(:

JIAYOUJIAYOUJIAYOU.
(now go finish lunwen before the week!)

on a side note, Angel Beats! is awesome (: i wonder what will become of me when i die.

with this tiny little thoughts all around

2010-05-25T20:56:00.003+08:00

uploading photos for jiashen and bingkun's birthday! ((:
several days of careful planning and stuff i'm glad it turned out well, hahaha finally a break from the endless rush and all and now im sitting in front of my newly bacteria-eliminated laptop, happily tapping away.
the $7.90 was spent well, cyberclean rocks!

haha and june hols are coming around the corner (finally), im just glad to finally shut off from school days and instead focus on the endless stuff i didnt seem to get during lessons, and revise, revise, revise.
ranting here gosh seems so long since i last ranted, i guess blogs still serve such a purpose huh.

oh and should i should get a tumblr account too! it seems so convenient to reblog all the inspiring quotes/photos/pictures, but i just cant bear to separate that from blogger, cos it would seem so much more 统一? i dont know haha.

shall do a nice long post today with just words, because even though photos are worth a thousand words, words are loved too ♥
(heh quoted that from somewhere)
and i reallyreally hope to buck up on my subjects, especially GP and ELL, followed by CSC.
math = just plentiful practice, and cll = just plentiful memorizing at the moment, haha.
at least i have two subjects that i am pretty sure i can score well for if i work hard on.(:

and then should i or should i not!! sighhhh where to go after JC! what if i missed my chances! or ive already missed them! D:
do not want to think about it. ahhhh.
i dont want to grow up.

okay i erm. running out of things to blog at the moment. shall log off (:
tata~

girl you better get your armour, get your armour

2010-05-18T19:31:00.002+08:00

im sorry im tired all all these, someone please constantly remind me to STANDUP for myself and fight for my own opinions, because it just slips my mind so often and the arrows come too quickly?

life sucks big time when you get what you dont wish for.
get your armour get your armour.

and i despise people who take other people's stuff without asking for any permission.
what do they think they are, invading other people's privacy like it's their own? do you think that you have the right to peek and probe into whatever you are interested in, or just because you put on that whatever attitude or emotion?

truth is, i did in fact fall for it.
im so sorry to myself.

这是我最后一次告诉你，下次再也不会发生了。
因为下一次，我谁都不会原谅。

we need to be more merciful to ourselves.(:
jya ne i shall..... FOCUS ON STUDIES!
(numb myself with it. because everything else...isnt that important anymore this year. gosh im turning cynical and bitter towards life and theres no turning back)
JIAYOU.

nothing in the sky said run for cover

2010-05-09T21:27:00.005+08:00

went for lep writing competition on sat, and these photos came in time for my new post, else i would have nothing to blog about (:
i realise i really love photography, maybe i dont have that much skills but i love admiring how my photos turn out :D
guess where these photos are taken!

where will the end be, and are you willing to walk towards there?

let me show you, my secret garden
sunny day at the park(:
the wait♥

and these few are my most loved among the few faved :D eventually used this for the competition but i guess the essay i wrote ruined the photo. haha(:
beyond best friends forever♥
i think im such a pro HAHA. i can change dawn to dusk(:

and that's about it, i need to start on my homeworks. they seem to increase exponentially and time seems to shrink indefinitely.

life's a mess but we shall learn to love it won't we (:

and, i realised that i've become quite disorganized. excluding the scattered piles of notes i bring home everyday which are left lying around haplessly in my room, i fail to arrange things like photos which are supposed to be uploaded and burnt into CDs, or classified into folders.

one more thing, i realised as well that with the advent of facebook, i don't upload daily photos about my life anymore, instead just quotes texts and lovely photos. the real random small little things that are encaptured in photos on the other hand have made their appearance in facebook albums.

hmmmm.

and i rarely upload my photos to picasa web albums anymore.

this is really disorganized haha maybe when i grow old i will forget where these photos are/facebook crashes/forget my password and then all the memories will be gone.

maybe i should publish these photos. but there are just so many i dont know where to begin, which to select anymore.

haha really want tangible photos that i can keep and treasure, like the ones we made for js!

oh yes and that reminds me, i need to upload those photos as well.

haha okay its 11pm oh my gosh! i need to complete my AQ and summary, and maybe more.

god bless us (: i shall end with a random photo then , long time no see ♥

js + eyu: OHHHH. so this is ...!!!

bk: -.-

changes come but where they go

2010-05-03T13:51:00.002+08:00

i've once again been mesmerized and touched by various things(: music, lyrics, photos, texts...
lets lose ourselves in these scraps of life so wonderfully portrayed♥

coming across wonderful songs, such as No Parade by Jordin Sparks (once again) makes me love how beautiful life is despite the other messes.
heh i remember how i attached myself to Worth the Wait by Jordin Sparks previously.
this song, or rather melody, portrays what im feeling right now, describes this period of my emotions. ♪ i do love how the lyrics come across too (:

Where did we get off the track
What was it that brought us down?
Changes come but where they go?
You'll never know
Just another day like any other
nothing in the sky said run for cover
Just another reason never thought it would end this way
Trouble crept up all nights
Warning never came a time
Before I knew it we were dust
Just left behind, left behind

haha and i realise im easily attracted to songs which have lovely/music-box like piano preludes!
okay back to whatever i need to do (:

i wake up in the middle of the night laughing and crying

2010-04-29T00:33:00.004+08:00

today was spent rather fruitfully with ht at nj, minus the episodes of guilt/minor shocks when being asked why im in the campus, haa :D
haha ♥ loads! (: we need to have more of this mugging sessions, this is what i call studying!with someone you can really study with and all.
theres got to be a better word for bff(:

i dont know but bff seems so much like a cliche, and somehow it just doesnt seem to reflect deep bonds with just "best friends forever", what with everyone saying the words in primary school when they are graduating,no?

on another note, im reblogging vinylmemories.tumblr:
(GIVES ME HOPE)

Tonight I was eating at a restaurant that celebrates birthdays by getting a sundae with a candle to blow out.

Every single person in the restaurant was cheering on a 6 year old boy as he tried to blow out his candle.

He was hooked up to an oxygen tank.

Today, my girlfriend, who can't swim, tried to kill herself by jumping into the Potomac River.

Without a moments hesitation, I witnessed my ex-girlfriend, the girl who i broke up with because of my current girlfriend, jump in and save her life.

I never really had any close friends in high school.

One weekend, I got really down about it and began to cry. My older brother saw and dropped his evening plans with his friends to play video games with his kid sister all night.

Last thursday my parents had a huge fight,and I stayed up all night crying, unable to sleep.

I messaged my boyfriend and told him what happened. VERY late at night he texted me telling me to go outside.

I did, and he stood there in the pouring rain, holding flowers.

He kissed me, and it took all the pain away. His love gives me hope.

3 years ago, my boyfriend and I entered universities on opposite sides of the US.

Since then, I've kept telling him that he'd be happier with someone closer.

Yesterday, after not seeing him since before our first year, he showed up at my dorm.

To propose.

Love that survived 2000miles GMH.

(: crazily i almost cried reading this the first time, but i know that i was then emotionally unstable hahahaa. this is just me. and blogger sucks, it's unable to copy and paste! thats a pain. okay byee (: we shall work harder shall we ♥

2010-04-25T10:29:00.005+08:00

HI(:

spend a night at nus with sis and i think it's awesome over there :D and then yesterday was spent with ht and i didnt feel like leaving ever again.

im really thankful for everything we've been through, and this bond we share (:

by the way, ht's new house is awesome! haha it's bigger and the extra space makes me want to roll on the floor HAH.

and chats made me realise that yes, im too nice and i seriously need to work on my assertive leadership as reflected from my leadership development training.

after all, real world is real world. i cant expect myself to always be nice to everyone and hopefully they will empathize with me as well and stand up for me when the time comes.

no no no. this is reality, and we all need to voice out our opinions and voice out for what we believe in. as long as it brings no harm to others.

for the rest, just let them wallow in their own sorrows, stop trying to be a life saviour when you know they wont let you do it no matter what.

and just live a happy life (:

haha is this a dramatic change of attitude. i think not, its just one level up (:

im glad to be a better person tomorrow than yesterday!

tata, back to annoying csc. D<

sometimes i run away in detest

2010-04-14T23:24:00.002+08:00

less facebook, less youtube, less sleep, less doodling around, less msn (technically no more), all this much i can endure (and have endured til now) and i want to keep going (:
today was a productive day (haha yes!) designing csc comm elections voting slips (yes we are finally handing over/stepping down and it feels kind of awkward), completing ell presentation as well as mini discussion about csc group lunwen (i think we are kind of insane but we i can do it!

oh yes even the "less blogging" idea is beginning to mushroom in my mind, but fret not i would still blog if i happen to have the urge :D
oh and just listening to huang cheng song reminds me, yes 2010 huang cheng is over and i just miss my huang cheng days, i dont think i really showcased all my full potential up there, and it's a real shame but it's okay we have memories (:

THIS is the year.
THIS is our time.
THIS is my dream. ♥
(and i ~~can~~ ~~will~~ must do it)

saw a girl holding her present today which is basically a long strip of photo montage strung together in the shape of a huge camera filmroll. i wonder how her friends did it and i absolutely love it ♥♥♥
I WANT ONE TOO HAHA!imagine having such a pretty thing hanging/pasted on your bedroom wall, VINTAGEEEE.

they say time heals everything, but i'm still waiting

2010-04-04T22:39:00.004+08:00

"The worst thing about treating those combat boys in the Great War wasn't that they'd had their flesh torn. It was that they had had their soul torn out." --The Pacific

war. conflict. tension. violence.
is world peace really that far away?
i used to have this naive feeling that wars were things of the past, what with all the peace we experience here. violence seemed to be non-existence, but in reality conflicts tensions and everything else still exists, it exists in our hearts, hidden away carefully, ready to jump out and tear apart everything we've so prudently constructed.

and out there, wars are happening.
just because great wars like WW1, WW2, The Holocaust etc are over doesnt mean lots of the enlisted people arent suffering.
why oh why the world is complicated and this can never end can it.

gogogo watch The Pacific, haha(:
sometimes we get so hot-headed during war, we fight for our country, for our cause, for our beliefs. but what about the enemy, do they not have their own morals and families as well, and don't we all have our very own precious things to protect?
do we not kill innocent people, tear apart families?
and further still these soldiers see the most ugliest, most cruel side of human nature. yes of course they would probably lose their soul. who wouldnt in the face of such devil acts.
is war ever justifiable?
haha ohmygod so cliche GP question but the issues are so deep.

in war we fight for our brothers, our comrades standing next to us.
it's what that keeps us going(:

and yes haha gosh links to what i wanted to share some days ago, Dixie Chicks' song Not Ready to Make Nice.
theres issues on America going to war with Iraq reflected in this song, long story go wiki it yourself (: anyway i like the song, especially the first/last verse of the lyrics:

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I'm not sure I could
They say
Time heals everything
But I'm still waiting

他们说这叫爱.

2010-03-31T00:05:00.005+08:00

i freed a balloon into the sky today and watched in exhilaration how it reached higher and higher.

(:

the raindrops are falling on my windowpane, and we are hiding in a safer place

2010-03-29T21:03:00.006+08:00

lots of reflections again today and they all make me more convinced with my rules of life.
all these random thoughts, am i able to put them into words?

anyway, sighh another episode of cautiousness, tension, untiring efforts to resolve.
i think im going to throw in snippets of reflections that might or might not make sense, because these fleeting thoughts come and go so easily, sometimes it's hard to remember.

yes i do admit that there are moments where i impulsively wondered on the credibility of life, when i'd take on a rather cynical view, but these moments dont last, and i do think that some things i really believe in life, in this world, in us, are invaluable and really not alot of people really know it.
okay let me try to somehow write these things i try so hard to believe in.

i believe that everyone has a good side to him, and we shouldnt judge anyone with any first impressions or unexplained rumours/behaviours. get to know that person more before we say anything at all.

life is, and will always be, complicated and unfair. but we should not ever be cynical, what i mean is that we need to acknowledge that cynicism and move on, and keep on believing that good things will happen eventually if we keep on trying.

it is inevitable for us to feel extremely hopeless at times and extremely hopeful at other times. what we need to do is to search the skies for stars and remember the wonderful things the world has in store for us.

(and just reflected today i think) eventually, it is too idealistic for any of us to anticipate that social relationships can be always smooth and manageable. wrong. false hopes. because society is complex, and we actually understand each other deeper through conflicts rather then simple happy interactions, believe it or not. everyone has different perspectives and drastic lives.

and i guess these pretty much sums up what ive been able to conjure up so far. yea of course i do become a cynic at times and criticize and accuse.
"darling, forever is a long, long time, and time has a way of changing things."
yes i know. i've already seen so much.

but we simply cannot deny forever so biasedly, we need to acknowledge this cruelty and brace it.
we need to instead work towards forever.
"what keeps us in love is not chance, it is by work."
we need faith, effort, and everything nice.

so why blame god or fate or destiny, to those who still does, im sorry i dont think you are able to get the most out of this life. but i do wish from the bottom of my heart that you would eventually move on, move on.(:

i really want us all to complete this stage of our life being contended, with no regrets in the end♥

i want to compile a list (not exhaustive haha but yeah the main things♥) of items i love!
and i shall do so in the form of photos (:
MUSIC. and i want pretty headphones so badly!
and delicate traditional musical boxes ♥
and piano again, this photo again (:
STARS MY MOST BELOVED.
when will i get pretty white ice skates (:
dance (: modern dance esp.
bakery ♥♥ with bread cakes and pastries!
the feel of wind through your hair and grasslands(:
windchimes ♥ specific ones only haha since those with shrills sounds disgust me
vintage(: antique keys, cameras, photos etcetc

and cozy bedrooms (esp the position of bed♥)
and stuff ((:

okay lots of things to do shall be back♪ this is the first time in my whole life i spent so long blogging. i think my blog has totally replaced my diary and i would really cry out in despair if blogger closed down one day, or if i lost all my archives(:

jya~

oh and look, she could hold the star between those fingers of hers

2010-03-28T23:26:00.007+08:00

its been so long since ive came here, and yes im finally here after one week of blocks, not forgetting how blocks would repeat itself yet again after two months' time.
we all need to work hard dont we (:

and then today had another reflection of life, yet again.
it's these moments of realisation when one can suddenly understand life so thoroughly, from such a clear piercing view.
and moments later you lose that feeling,
moments.

but i do know that today it's some of those untiring questions again, yet again, and again.
hmmm. i guess i remember wondering again why all these conflicts, all these enduring, all this careful approaches and making efforts and i dont know but then it all seemed to make sense again, when we convince ourselves with the beauties of life once again, and stop being so cynical and all.
this video which came just in time made me smile:

yes and it made me smile(:

ahhh we all need to be a better person tomorrow than yesterday!
okay i dont know how to put the rest of my random thoughts into words.(:

and i love playing the piano when im all alone, all in a wide room and its just me, and the piano (:
because it is the only time i can release all my energy, spirit and emotions into the song. without any pressure, no obligation to talk or answer, nothing, just silence and the music. ♥

love this photo forever ♥

"a hummingbird's wings flap 80 times in a single second, and when a video of it is slowed down, the wings are actually in the motion of an eight. do you know what the number 8 means?"
"it means infinity."
infinitum.

and so there. i forgot what else i wanted to blog(: maybe next time huh.

somewhere out there

2010-03-19T13:58:00.003+08:00

somewhere out there

beneath the pale moon light

someone's thinking of me

and loving me tonight

somewhere out there

someone's saying a prayer

that we'll find one another

in that big somewhere out there

and even though i know how very far apart we are

it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

and when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby

it helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky

somewhere out there

if love can see us through

then we'll be together

somewhere out there

out where dreams come true

a song ive always loved, from the animated movie An American Tail talking about how a mouse searches for his lost family(:

searching for something unchanged

2010-03-11T00:02:00.002+08:00

when was the last time we (truly) looked into the sky and smiled?

thank you for being born♥

2010-03-07T20:55:00.003+08:00

i think, the earth is dying.
and maybe all of us, all our beloved ones and whoever we know, might perish in less than a few years time.
and yet we still continue to harm our earth, continue to crave for greater heights.

when was the last time we reflected?

and it pains me to see souls yearning for more,
for more caring, for more love and more answer.

but i still hope that in the very end, we thank each other for the simple fact that they ever existed.
thank you for being born♥

haha omg second post in a day is quite absurd. sorry for the abstract post. its normal to not understand it. because sometimes when i look back in the far future,
i don't too.

let's watch the stars together

2010-03-07T13:12:00.003+08:00

yet another week has passed, and i've not really much to say, just that i hope i can be a better person tomorrow than yesterday, and that alone takes so much determination, effort, and time.

let's watch the stars together♥

and i realise that my keyboard is slowly turning sticky, guess ive to clean it sooner haha (:

some quotes to share (from vinylmemories.tumblr):

"No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by
chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice."

"i hope that someday someone wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight, and
that's all they do, they don't pull away, they don't look at your face, they
don't try to kiss you. they just wrap you up in their arms, without an ounce of
selfishness in it."

"WE DON'T READ AND WRITE POETRY BECAUSE IT'S CUTE. WE READ AND WRITE POETRY BECAUSE WE ARE MEMBERS OF THE HUMAN RACE. AND THE HUMAN RACE IS FULL OF PASSION. AND MEDICINE, LAW, BUSINESS, ENGINEERING, THESE ARE NOBLE PURSUITS AND NECCESSARY TO SUSTAIN LIFE. BUT POETRY, BEAUTY, ROMANCE, LOVE, THESE ARE WHAT WE STAY ALIVE FOR." - DEAD POET'S SOCIETY

my heart will go on

2010-03-01T20:14:00.004+08:00

i realise that ive sunk myself so deep in the mud its so hard to climb back up.

pleasepleaseplease pull yourself back up, pleaseee.

and then i realise i have not been here for so long, and so many little things that i wanted to write about that have been long forgotten, im so sorry ):

and i have to go finish all my HBL homeworks, for my own benefit

maybe i should go for GP tuition.

all these random thoughts.

watched Titanic recently again, was reminded of the beauty of it and all ♥

my favourite movie of all times :D

reminds me why i love all this vintage, antique tinkeries and such, love that aura emitting from them that suggests hidden stories(:

sunken ship with old drawings, antique keys and it goes on.

i wanna watch titanic properly again, and cry my heart out again(:

我会担心没有星星的夜空

2010-02-20T00:39:00.002+08:00

有时望向夜空时，我会想：“怎么办，今天没有星星。”

and just some inspirations:

"SO, PLEASE, SIT CLOSE AND HOLD MY HAND. WIPE AWAY MY TEARS WHEN THEY FORM CONSTELLATIONS ALONG MY LASHES. CRADLE MY HEART WHEN MY CHEST SPITS IT OUT LIKE POISON, TELL ME IT WILL BE ALRIGHT. LIE TO ME AND SAY THE WORLD IS BEAUTIFUL AND I'LL FIND REDEMPTION IN SUNRISES. DIG OUT THE LAST OF THE LIVING HOPE AND PAINT IT ON THE HORIZON, HELP ME REMEMBER ALL THAT I'VE LOVED, ALL THAT I'VE NEVER LOST, JUST MISPLACED."

- full title "lend me your heart and remind me how to love tonight"
via vinylmemories.tumblr, from Corina90 (deviantart)

no dont worry, it's not how i'm feeling now(:
just in awe of the magical power words construe,
as well as how theres a theme for this post♥

we need to continue believing, keep on smiling, and keep holding on.
haha had this in mind for quite a while, just hadn't the time to sit down and put this together decently. and i even found a perfect song for the last photo, its Worth the Wait by Jordin Sparks. (: i'll add in the song to my playlists hopefully soon enough and i'd be able to listen to it regularly and get submerged in the wonderous atmosphere(:

Today's ♥: If I fall, if I break, if I lose myself in someone, If I give all I am it'll be with you. When I'm ready to take, all that you want me to give, it will be worth the wait, worth the wait. It will have been so worth the wait.
- Worth the Wait by Jordin Sparks

if i fall, if i break,

2010-02-15T18:14:00.005+08:00

it will have been so worth the wait♥

theres the familiar tingling again, i wonder how long since ive last felt it.
back(:
it feels good enough to be once again reflecting on the beautiful moments in life, because we need it to continue surviving in this crazy world;
yes we need to continue believing to endure the continuous swirings and torments♥.

art is such an important thing. we need it so urgently to express our inner yearns, dreams, emotions and thoughts, it releases your spirit and relaxes your whole body.
thats why ive always preferred modern/contemporary dance to the rest like hiphop bboy.
it's expressive(:
and thats why i need more music too haha oops i need more influx of western music ive always wanted!
okay that said i shall continue my cll compo,

lotsa love♪

be a better person(:

2010-02-15T15:33:00.003+08:00

i have to get into a writing mood so that i can start on and hopefully complete (no i must) my cll compo before..night .__.
and sorry for being such a moron yesterday. guess i have to be more aware of my own capabilities.
but surprisingly it felt pretty good to cry after such a long time, to be able to feel that messed up again and all, this is weird.
maybe this is what they call the yin yang situation. after all the smooth sail you need something to snap you out of that once in a while. perhaps that was what i was searching for (incredibly can anyone believe it) and therefore creating additional trouble for everyone im just so sorry haha.

i guess i needed some stress to feel that im alive.
gomenasaigomenasaigomenasaigomenasai.
feeling extremely wasted i want to avoid this change thats making me a stranger.
i hope i can be a better person. ((:

tata AND ARES WON FAC DANCE ♥

2010-02-09T21:47:00.004+08:00

hello. :D
i realise how happy i can be by just walking past bakeries ♥
the fabulous smell of cakes bread pastries is enough to lighten up my heart for just that few seconds haha how wonderful is that.
hahahahahahahaha im a weirdd person(((:

which brings me back to this:
前几天坐巴士回家时突然嗅到了很熟悉很熟悉的洗发精味道。
是童年的味道，但又不太确定。
只是觉得这种味道似曾相识，是遗忘的记忆中某个短暂相遇，还是…？

其实想说的只是，生命中总是遇到这种时刻。碰到时会不禁有些激动，有些温馨感受。
想伸手抓住什么却又不懂自己到底想寻找些什么。
离开后再也想不起那熟悉的感觉，然后不是彻底忘记，就是期待下次的机遇。

learnt fac dance and it's awesomee. :D
come on even though our dance might be the hardest this year we shall still try to win the championships!! ARES ♥

loves,
me (:

productive :D

2010-02-02T20:25:00.005+08:00

was productive today in completing TJC paper in around 3hours during my 5 hours break hahaha! :D this feels good, and hopefully i let it continue.
sometimes i wonder too why do i only have this enthusiasm for math, maybe deep inside i still am a science person after all.

which further leads me back to this thinking i always had: that i am a person who really appreciates the arts and all, be it dancing singing literature and the list goes on...ask me to analyze and critique and i can give you a thousand reasons why a genre of art is good/bad, but it has never been me creating something worth analyzing/applaud.
hmm. which is basically dumb in a sense then.
in other words, im practically crazy over the arts but unable to excel in it.
the paradox.

D: sometimes i would just convince myself somehow why i had imprudently chosen arts over sciences in the beginning, inspired by things such as i had subconcsiously the urge to be more humane and understanding the world around me. but what does it matter in the end?
society is just cruel. pragmatic. if you cant do well in something passion is not enough.

hmm. but i shall not try to regret. there is no time for regretting anyway(: probably would just have to work even harder to make up for the missing aptitude.
jiayou! okayy i want to maximise my night too dont want to just stop at math :DD

haha ohmygoodness i just realized how i've ranted when actually i only intended to blog about the math thing and post a new kagaya photo (below)! guess sometimes you cant stop the wave from coming in.

ANYWAY. decided to visit kagaya's website today and to my pleasant surprise there was a new artwork that came out!!! ♥♥♥ this is historical haha! okay i am only joking, but then again kagaya dont produce artworks once every fortnight you see. especially when each piece takes such hard work and skills and all. (:
anyway, this piece of artwork is just in time for Valentines Day ♥ and it has pleasantly surprised me because kagaya has wonderfully merged another celestial phenomena with an ancient CHINESE celestial tale to do with romance :D
haha have you guessed it the artwork is about 牛郎织女!!!

and it's kind of cool too, because kagaya is after all from japan, and so far the artworks portray celestial fantasies in greek/idontknowwhat myths and legends, but just not chinese anyway haha. and of course there are artworks relating to japanese lifestyles and such ♥ so yea Vega is the first artwork i see with chinese reference.
and the english names are so beautiful too :D Vega and Altair!
this piece of artwork is really pretty ♥

haha yes isnt it ♥.
okay thanks for suffering through my rants bye :D love loads happy early valentines day a picture for yall (:

bursting with; (:

2010-01-31T12:36:00.002+08:00

waking up and feel that your heart is bursting with love.
it's a beautiful thing(:
i guess whoever coined the word love must have been a genius, to be able to conjure up four sweet letters for this intangible wonderous feel :D
(or could it have been borrowed from another language? HAHH. okay no more ell terminologies.)

♥♥♥.
experience it anywhere, anytime (:
and it feels just so good at times when you are able to find something meaningful in life that sparks off that yearning/explosive/flowing/激动...
or shall we say, love :D

photos from deviantart, again!

and personally two of my favourites: (i think the two photos are just fabulous haha! cats and piano loveee)

♥♥♥. so many things to love :D im just happy to be so lucky to have all these chances, going through huangcheng, learning the piano, able to dance, and just be with those that you love, be it friends or families, thankful for the simple fact that i am able to formulate thinkings and feel...

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.

let's just cling on to that belief forever shall we (: and all other unpleasant unlucky things can all shunt to one side!

looking back she wonders how much she has travelled;

2010-01-29T21:02:00.005+08:00

大家好(:
今天翻开去年的行程日记，并非遥远的记忆随之而来。
然后，我好像再次经验了每天的感受。
有哭，有笑。有风有雨，也有阳光和彩虹。
重读在页面上留下的涂鸦，重新回忆当时种种滋味。

这些，似乎都早已被抛在身后许久，但真正将它们揪出来时会发现个个竟然仍带着昨日的气息，仿佛刚刚亲身经历过。
或许，自己并没有想象中成长的那么快。
又或许，这只是给予自己躲避的另一个借口。

岁月，是真的不饶人。
在还没反应过来时，我们距离死亡又缩短了几秒。
这几秒，关系到了什么？
平常不易察觉到，但真正重要时刻来临时我们才发现几秒的可贵性。
可以解决百年误会，可以交代重要遗言。
一秒、两秒，三秒……每一秒攸关生命。但，我们是否真的懂了？

短短的几秒，改变许多事物。不知不觉中，与某人的关系便得更亲近了；不知不觉中，与某人的距离渐渐地疏远。
这些，我们察觉不到。
如果那天作出不同的反应，今天和他的关系是否还会一样？
如果那时不在场，她是不是会作出天渊之别的抉择？
但是，套句莫醒醒的话来说，如果，又有什么用呢。
♥

added two huangcheng OSTs, everytime i hear it the feeling is undescribable.
i have to say, the experience was more than just ordinary memorable.
it makes you yearn for more, for that bigger sky and greater heights ♥
haha okay rantings (:
some beautiful photos from deviantart saved recently:

and lastly my current desktop photo. ♥
okay thanksbye :D thinking back, i have all the time in the world in fact and all i need to do now is to utilise it carefully (:
jiayoujiayou!

rantings,

2010-01-25T21:33:00.003+08:00

HIII. ((:

i've not been using my computer a lot these few days, and i deem this a very good/significant thing indeed :D i've not even accessed facebook so far (maybe later haha) lest say applications like pet society!!
what a great achievement so far hahah.

BUT. i still think i slack too much. i get distracted too easily and get influenced too quickly.

i need some earplug or confined space or maybe what i need is just determination D:

i believe i can do this!!

gogogogo csc ell gp!

haha nothing else much i want to say, those that i wanted to say i've had them written down somewhere in a notebook ♥
someday, we will learn to look back and appreciate all these feelings (:

OH YESS HAHAHA. chatting to zhenglin and reminded me of something, i need to blog about something really classic today!!!

today jiunn jiashen and i were mugging/rotting outside A4 area (WE HAVE NOW PROCEEDED TO CLAIM IT AS OUR AREA) for cll test later, and after all the intensive memorisings and such we rested for a while leaning against the railing and looking down when jiunn decided to say something like this:

jiunn: "等一下CLL test的时候翻开考卷then第一题看到是"秦大爷的全名是什么？""

(and he gave a classic expression)

(which sent me laughing histarically and literally knelt on the floor ladened with fits of laughter)

(and jiunn and jiashen "danced" around me)

HAHAHA.

it's these moments in life i cherish so much, and you can't imagine how badly i yearn to pull the stop trigger and jump out of the picture for a second just to capture these scenes♥

i wonder if there would be chances still like these when we are older?

let's pray(:

on a side note, zmb?xthjs♥

is there a perfect solution i wonder.

hopeful;

2010-01-18T22:10:00.002+08:00

hey yall ;))
haha it's been long since i've come here, and just to make this blog updated still on a more regular basis, i have made my appearance finally :D

and of course some events have happened that affected my mood and all, but time heals all and i believe we can all put in hard work ourselves as well♥
hahah, emotions come and go dont they. before you know it they're gone with the wind so we shant let that affect us :D just like even though someone offending a lot of people at one go seems unforgivable but again it doesnt really matter, and we have to learn.

and then struggling to finish lunwen.
hahaha i believe we can pull through this all.
on a side note, i think all of us gets moody/stressed at times, but i think we should always either spill it out, or vent it out in a hilarious way, and then keep on smiling.
because smiling is the best way to deal with it :D

JIAYOU EVERYONE!

first day in school!

2010-01-12T20:13:00.003+08:00

HI(: school has officially started and so far we've all been doing well havent we,

but my screwed timetable! D:

according to it i have a 5 hours break from the moment i get to school (i wonder if the school has a fetish in torturing students) and my first lesson starts a 1pm and ends at 4, hmmm.

not to mention the deliberate cancellation of math lesson today added one more hour to that waiting time, so i supposed i might stand a chance in breaking the record of having the longest break during school time ever in HCI history! D:

and ell lessons are still twice per week, conducted in late afternoons and 2 hours at a go. ):

it's gonna take more than just sleeping early to stay awake in these lessons, but somehow i shall perservere, and study hard for As!!

and, ewe has just moved to her hall, it feels a bit empty in the house now and for the first time in my life i realised this is the beginning of us getting used to separation for the future.

ah wells. (:

nothing much but just rantings today, and love you all haha!

at ecp :O

2010-01-08T22:40:00.002+08:00

LUNWEN IS THE CAUSE OF ALL MY STRESS WORRIES AND WHAT NOTS D:

today was class outing at ecp, and amazingly it didnt actually rain according to the weather forecast! :D the wind blew all the culumonimbus (its a long time since the last geog lesson i wonder if this is right) away and i was even able to sit by the sea until the tides retreated ♥ saw three shades of lovely blue i love as well (:

maybe someday, we will be back :D
haha okay i predict my death due to unfinished ell essay, almost untouched issues and ideas, as well as the final killer csc lunwen literature reviews.
if only i didnt take H2 csc, WHO KNEW THAT I COULD TAKE H1!!!! D:
haha ohmygosh feel so cheated still. why would i even need csc when i have my beloved cll! and i could have taken either chem/econs too :(
and now we have to be burdened by lunwen. been having nightmares ever since sec 3 and now we are still doing it.

haha but life's like this isn't it.
its okay we shall all get something out of killer csc even though we hate it(:
JIAYOUJIAYOUJIAYOU.

♥

2010-01-07T01:39:00.003+08:00

there are ups and downs in life.
but why don't we remember that the world is beautiful (:
and that we are lucky ♥ to be here, this very moment?

come on we can pull through this avalanche♪
and going to meet up with ht soon, it still feels like a dream :D

好久没有写题目了X)

2010-01-04T13:13:00.005+08:00

就算是一分钟，或是一秒钟，

我们，是否能暂时停止这一切的怀疑，这一切的假设，抛开这一切的定义？

因为，我也保证，我不会再让自己有一丁点的机会透过有色的眼镜来凝视人，这世上的任何一人。

也因为，我知道误会和假设每每有着不堪的结局。

从古至今不一直都是吗？

所以我希望，就算我们有些人无法对别人敞开心胸，我们都不应该因而放弃这个机会更进一步去认识他/她(: 就算我们认为做知己的定义是什么事都能够在桌上摊开讨论，这世上却不是我们想象中如此完美，不是每个人都会有相同的定义……

所以，我们要学会包容，学会让时间冲淡一切。

让我们抛开这一切定义吧♥

不要高高在上，认为能把全部事物尽收眼底就是一切。其实，仰视偶尔比俯视看的更清楚。

我真的真的，觉得我不会再随便批评人家。批评的背后一定总有个原因，而我也决定相信，这世上没有坏的人，只有缺乏爱的人。

而爱，是恒久忍耐，是有恩慈，不发怒，不计较别人的恶，只喜欢真理不是吗？;)

就让我们改观一下，也不要再强求与他人，学会适应他人的速度，不要什么事都以自己先下定义，好吗？

持有耐心，不是件容易的事(: 真的不要凡事都逼迫或指望他人给予一个答复，时候到了，什么都清楚了，我们不都有同样的时候吗？

啊呵，写了一堆不知如何是好的东西XD

愿我永远不忘记这些(:

加油加油加油加油加油！♥♥

2010-01-03T15:21:00.004+08:00

heheh today i want to share another clip from fruits basket again!! hyuu i realised that once i start it's quite hard to stop (: trying to dig out all the lovely scenes i like :D

i remembered that this scene made me cry in the anime ♥

to think that you have to live knowing that your mother doesnt remember you anymore, and that she had chose to erase that memory herself, i wonder how hard it is for someone to endure?
hahah and i dont know why but was wondering how it must have been lonely for kids to grow up alone with no siblings, especially when you don't get to see your parents much. it suddenly hit me that how lucky i am to have a sister to enjoy my childhood with, as well as having ym and yc to live with us for a few years that added so much more to my memory..
i wonder if some of the kids who grew up being the only child had such chances too? if not, have they ever felt the difference?

hyuuu, sorry to those who didnt have such chances, sorry for not being able to know all of you earlier and be by your side when you needed it, if any.♥

thats why momiji-san is probably one of a kind who can have such a strong heart, if he really did exist (: the pain of not having a proper family, with no mother, and not being able to let your presence known to your sister.
and im sure there are many other people in this world who are in this type of situation too, so jiayou dont let the down side get to you!

:D on another note, thought that i should perhaps blog about some funny conversations:

ewe: "i know a song that irritates you, i know a song that irritates you, i know a song that irritates you, and the song goes like this... bombombom i know a song...."♪♪
me: "..." (is not really listening and continues to read whatever i was reading)
ewe: (after some time decides that this is too lame ) "goes like this....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA~."

me: "have you ever wondered how it's like to grow up alone and not have any siblings?"
ewe: "I WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH HAPPIER, HAHAHA."
me: "kns, seriously!!"
ewe: "then i would never have gotten to learn any songs" (i taught her piano and she was playing it coincidentally)
me: "HAHAHAHAHAAAA this is going into my post"

and,
(arriving at the bread section)
me: "UUWAHHHHHH HAUU ABSOLUTELY MOUTHWATERING"
(and goes on to smell all the bread in view)
me: "hyuuwaaaaa something smells super nice!!!!!!!!!!"
(starts picking up random bread/cake and smells further)
me: "WHERE IS THE SMELL COMING FROM" (sniffsniffsniff)
my mom: "YOU WANT TO SMELL EVERYTHING ISSIT HAHA"

haha tata :D and omg i cant believe that im actually going to go sentosa what with all the unfinished work,
♥♥

2010-01-02T20:17:00.002+08:00

i think i've duo-luoed for today, as well.

but its okay tomorrow is a different day! >)

shinjiru! ♥

haha have to believe in it.

and i've a clip to share, from fruits basket! had this clip in mind, because...

and coincidentally, it's something about new year too, so i was pleasently surprised :D

sometimes i really hope that everyone can have moments when they become more sensitive, like this (: even if realisation comes late, it's never too late, and the world can be so much better♥

sigh. and i just realise how hard it is to aspire to become a tohru-kun.

after all the world is not something preset by an author. what can you do to things that are unexpected and even though you dont hope for it you have that little power to change it?

sometimes, this gets tiring too.

stuck between these opinions,

i wonder if i can really fulfill my resolution to help people as i wish♥

let's all show a little love shall we :D

WATCH FRUITS BASKET. haha ^w^

2010-01-01T21:56:00.006+08:00

BIG SMILEEEEE.
((((((((((:
hahaha ohmygod i cant believe that it's actually 2010 now, and that 2009 is the past, since i am still feeling that 2009 holiday mood! then again, it's probably because its the first time we are starting school this late in jan, so 2009 seems to have lengthened X))

ALL RIGHT, update on these two days as i've promised heh and gosh im so on time! and im in blogging mood too this is great :DD
must blog all these emotions/feelings/thoughts popped up in my mind minutes ago if not they'd disappear again.

ANYWAY(: on new years eve vongola and other darlings came over for stay over :D zhenglin bingkun came first to help out with dinner! heheh had a fun time preparing the stuff, rena came face to face with his worst fears (which are intestines) XDD

cuttlefish ftw HAHA, there was this small fish zl pulled out from the cuttlefish! shocked :DD

and here are the people who came for the dinner! :D hotpan was fun too bacon rocks all the wayyy (:

haha and we played the whole day doing stuff like riding bikes badminton, and relived the childhood days by playing blindmice and block catching! and then we had fun with sparklers and made awesome words :DD

HAHA. aint this cool. it's meant for the people who couldnt make it aww.

and, vongola ♥ ((:
niceeee (:

and i love our class too :D

haha okay thats all for the photos now, the rest are on facebook. this is the first time i've done words with sparklers and dont they leave such wonderful memories :D

speaking of which was reading evelyn's blog just now and got inspired so much again haha ♥♥ there was this 2010 sunrise photo and i was thinking about how everyone always love capturing everyday things on special events/festivals because it's just special :D

then haha i dont know why, (probably due to the kunfu panda we watched just now which made the link even stronger HAHA♥) it suddenly hit me that actually we dont have to wait until special festivals or events or anything to remember these special moments, because...anytime is special if you believe in it/create it isnt it ((:

haha and reminded me of my cll essay i was planning to write X) since i was going to write about how my primary school didnt look that familiar to me anymore, and that it has gradually become more and more of a stranger to me, but in fact what actually makes it MY/OUR primary school, is the people, the friends, the besties you were together with ♥♥♥

and it doesnt actually matter where, when, what, why, how anymore, as long as i am able to be with you people and smile along ♪

HAPPY NEW YEARR ♥

thanks to earnest zhenglin bingkun jiunn jingyi hanyong houyin dawei san zijing for coming over!

and, i hope my sis gets better eventually. kimi wa tsuyoiyi desu ((:

2009-12-31T02:16:00.003+08:00

HELLOOOOOO!
HAHA, X) it's been so so so so so so long since i've last blogged, i feel almost guilty. (:
theres so much stuff to catch on about, but i shall just blog about 2 more significant events then!
first would be the long overdued promised photos from the windchime making session, i shall only show photos of our final product hahah.

i think, this windchime is certainly the most time taking present we've ever made. ((: i guess this accounts for the belatedness! happy birthday minying! hahah i think the windchime is really really very very beautiful indeed, i want it myself too haha!

second event is the xmas party we had at zijing/sansan's house, haha :D it was superb! xiao hao went too (: hope you get to meet more friends like us!
too bad zhenyao jingyi and xiaohao couldnt stay over, we had a really fun time :DD

group photo! HAHA the surprise xmas tree san san bk js and i prepared for the party :D

oh and even though i dont have photos but really really thanks to yc for cookies + sweets, zy for cards from japan, bk for the card, ern for the super uber kawai domo-kun and zl for the hachune miku + rin&len badge + louise choc!!!! HYUUUU <333

haha and photos of our masterpiece ;)

we really took loads of effort! and its so beautiful ♥ different lengths so it goes in a longer spiral! lollipop ♥, love you guys (:

one of the photos from the making process XD see the rest on my FB!

haha okay thats about it. its New Year's eve now!! the gang is coming my house later in the afternoon for new year countdown, ((: and staying over and such i hope we have a real fun time and do all the stuff we didnt manage to do last xmas party!

love you people, and signing off,

♥♥♥.

2009-12-19T21:11:00.006+08:00

这几天总觉得有好多好多东西要说，但每次想将它们记录下来，却发现这些思绪总是太难以字表达。
有些事，说出口太困难。so true, so deep ♥
但是，就算是我的语文能力太差，我还是想说。

我觉得，在一整天里，有两样事物让我感触良多。
早上的曙光，能让我感觉到世界是美丽的(:
而黑夜的寂静，却能让我深刻地感受到我依然活着。

总而言之，就是这样。呵呵♥喜欢这种感觉，喜欢在八九点特别早起的时候，望出窗外的那一刻。其实你知道吗？早晨吹来的风与夜晚时的风，是截然不同的。早晨的风，清爽无比，但在那之中能感觉到一丝丝的温暖，似乎天上的热度也传到了心里。这两种温度伴随着想象中的风铃声会直达心里，化为一阵阵的激动，而这时望向被刚升起的太阳照明的大地，你会被这世上所有的点点滴滴而震撼，the world is beautiful. ♥

夜晚的风也能激起一波波思绪。最近我爱上了深夜(: 越迟入睡，夜晚就越冷，风亦越冷。风冷得透彻，迎面而来时能浸透全身，但隐藏在其中的，却是清新的味道，好像世界已被清洗了一番，以全新的面貌迎接第二天的到来。而这时候的街道冷冷清清，繁星在空中闪烁，真的是寂静无比，能俯视安静了的社区。此时此刻下午所有的吵杂声，烦恼的琐碎事物全抛在脑后，当下感觉到的，竟是自己的血肉，是提醒自己：我实实在在地存在这世上--这样的证据。通常随即而来的，便是生死这道谜，呵呵现在想起来实在是不可避免，it makes you feel alive.

of course，我也爱夕阳西下的那一刻。简单说，就是爱那一瞬间的美妙♥不过也会黯然，因为想到了这一天即将结束，想到了我们大家每一秒都在渐渐长大。
叹一口气。我们，都已经长大，好多梦还要飞，就像从前看到的，红色的蜻蜓♪♪

haha okay 这个课题到此为止X)还想说说昨天突然想到的一件事(:
每次有心情的变化，不知为什么都会变成按琴键的动力。通常都是在感动/激动的时候弹琴，可昨天突然发现其实自己还会在心情烦躁时打开琴盖。这种时候不知为什么会不停地将所学过的歌曲一一弹出，麻木地弹完一首又一首，然后弹完后惊觉自己竟然弹完了这么多歌曲，竟做了平常不会做的事。
哈哈:D音乐……是这世上最美好的事之一。♪

:D okay looks like ive finally done one of these posts, again. (: an update on things: today bearbear came over and we began making minying's present from scratch, haha and i suddenly realised my house really has a lot of things that come in handy when we're doing handicrafts! (:
we used my treasured collection of beads since primary school (haha figured that pretty things are meant to put into good use anyway), torn portion of plastic/mirror from my house's light, strings, koped photos and printed them from FB, laminated them, punched holes, and even tried to use needle+thread to poke holes at the bottom!

haha and we are going to continue tomorrow and finish that windchime :DD i think it'd be very very pretty indeed!
anyways share a photo from today :D took some more but shall post them after tml!

HAHA. i personally find this cute/hilarious. in case you cannot read the words, the words on top of me says “快说这礼物超好看的”,and the one below bearbear reads “不然就杀掉你”

HAHAHA. i think her face expression rocks (:
love you people! okay shall go haha gee i posted such a dont-know-what-to-say post ♥

♪

2009-12-16T21:12:00.005+08:00

for this post i shall blog about song lyrics, :D
more specifically, Avril's songs (: haha I would never get tired of her songs and here are some of the songs that I can really relate to at times, or the melody is just awesome. ♥♥

"Today's the day, I pray that we make it through. Make it through the fall, make it through it all. and I don't wanna fall to pieces, I just want to sit and stare at you. I don't wanna talk about it, and I don't want a conversation, I just want to cry in front of you."
-- Fall to Pieces

"Never wore a cover-up, always beat the boys up"
"You know I always stay up without sleeping, and think to myself, 'Where do I belong, forever, in whose arms, the time and place?' "
-- My World

"I guess I'm wishing my life away, With these things I'll never say."
-- Things I'll Never Say

"Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow is a different day."
"Tomorrow it may change, tomorrow it may change, tomorrow it may change, tomorrow it may change."
-- Tomorrow

"Won't you, take me by the hand?Take me somewhere new, I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you, I'm with you."
-- I'm With You

"And I walk out in silence, that's when I start to realize, what you bring to my life, damn this guy can make me cry/smile."
"It's so contagious, I cannot get it out of my mind. It's so outrageous, you make me feel so high all the time."
-- Contagious

"When you walk away, I count the steps that you take. Do you see how much I need you right now?"
-- When You're Gone

"Waking up I see that everything's okay, the first time in my life and now it's so great. Slowing down I look around and I am so amazed, I think about the little things that make life great. I wouldn't change a thing about it, this is the best feeling."
"This innocence is brilliant, I hope that it will stay; This moment is perfect, please don't go away"
"And I'll hold on to it, don't you let it pass you by."
"It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming; It's the happiness inside that you're feeling; It's so beautiful, it makes you wanna cry."
-- Innocence

"You're not alone, together we stand, I'll be by your side you know I'll take you hand. When it gets cold and it feels like the end, there's no place to go you know I won't give in."
"Before the door's closed and it comes to an end, with you by my side I will fight and defend."
"Keep holding on, cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make through. Just stay strong, cos you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you."
-- Keep Holding On

♥♥ :D haha it was hard typing those lyrics, but yeah (:
i need to start on homework. now.

♥

2009-12-15T13:32:00.004+08:00

long time no see, :D and i have many many pretty photos to share! and quite some stuff has been going on, and i feel like i havent done a serious 正经blogpost since god knows when and all i've managed to do is to upload photos and let them do the talking haha! I wonder when this mood will switch back again (:

went to meet san san and zijing and bingkun on their arrival :D cant see san+zj!

and then here are a series of photos i took at earn's house, impromptu but the lovely scene made me took out my cam and snapped a dozen of the scene, pained me to eliminate one by one haha! :D

and picasa rocks, i love how the first photo turned out ♥ i wonder what would it be if i used adobe, probably more effects to use and more lovely photos, but ive only been using picasa!

:D, love this vintage romantic in-a-cool-windy-afternoon feel when you read a book, sip your juice/coffee and windchimes tinkle in the distance ((:

♥♪.

and whether or not you wonder as you stare at the photo if someone had sat in the chair previously (aw too bad i couldnt find a model) and where has he/she gone?

and you wonder, if the photos contain some beautiful heartwrenching story (:

haha omg rants so much.

by the way fell in love with 96.3FM recently, happened one day i was scanning through my radio and chanced upon it in surprise. realised it wasnt as classical like 92.4FM which contained more violin sounds, but instead had more piano/flute which created a 清爽feel :D

so ive been loving the channel ever since haha (:

♥ the 清脆丁玲声piano sometimes gives that's similar to musical boxes.

甜言蜜语，左耳听见♥

p.s: omg WHY IN THE WORLD DID 雪山飞狐 STOP RIGHT THERE?! RARR. i finally understand why bearbear says its not nice. haha! and do you mean 胡斐 actually died?! noooo :((

感叹人世间种种不幸的渊源来自于一场又一场解不开的的误会.

i hope no one else today still subjects to such sadness, ♥

bump into love ♥

2009-12-10T17:47:00.002+08:00

HELLO ((:
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.
:DD haha yay i know the secret to typing these lovely things!

anyway i had three amazing dreams today. and they made me sleep until the sun was almost down, before i decided im being too much of a pig and finally dragging myself up to play the piano.
still, ♥
(haha spank them hard!)

i have also managed to learn the hard parts of Ballade Pour Adeline, so i am currently in high spirits despite wasting precious time ^o^
haha theres quite a lot of things to blog about but i dont know what comes first!

oh right i think im really a very lucky person, had another lovely surprise knowing i got picked in the Essential lucky draw :D (yay to Essential i love the shampoo haha honey and milk ftw!)
and then lost my handphone yesterday on the way to school, called and lucky me found that the driver/smone had found it and it was at the interchange.
I THINK, bus 912 drivers are all awesome :D thank you you make Singapore such a wonderful place to live in ♥

hahahaa and then yesterday went out with yc:
BEWARE MY BANGS. HAHA.

managed to get stuff from Chamelon :D I think Chamelon is ♥!! haha fan of Chamleon. (:

and then here are the people i miss being with. WE MUST GO OUT AGAIN. to celebrate ah rou's birthday as well! :D and haha homework sessions we can do this!

♥ signing off~

cupcake love and kite flyings;

2009-12-07T23:15:00.006+08:00

HEY it seems long since i've last blogged :D
i have promised pretty pictures so here they are! haha presenting to you my current collection of cupcake icons ((:

arent they so pretty i can stare at them for a longglongg time X)
and i wanna bake something like that too! im sure i will have the chance someday :D

was reminded of kite flying while chatting to yc :D i wonder when i'll fly a kite this pretty again!

credits to deviantart!

haha okayy bye for a pretty short post with pretty photos (:
oh i shall say for the previous blogpost: COPYRIGHTS RESERVED. :DD
hahaha ohmygosh.

p.s: i really like the title "story of star". or "star story" (:
sounds beautiful.

home sweet home(:

2009-12-02T21:22:00.007+08:00

HELLO PEOPLE (: im back from Scotland haha! :D
experiencing jet lag and have been duo-luo-ing. =(
but its all right i shall buck up somehow!!!!

compiling some of the photos i think are beautiful :D
and this time, credits are NOT to deviantart, haha but MEEE :D
haha omg the ego. to think that i could actually take some of these pictures in my life!
AND HANYONG! thanks for taking some of the photos! (:
all editing done by me, picasa rocks!

thanks to hanyong :D we were trying to catch the sunrise!

pretty shades (:

which one do yall think is nicer :D

in my opinion, this is very much wonderful (:

i like this a lot :D but i think ive over edited it. couldnt really see mingming when i tried to put the misty effect .__. but still, its like walking among the stars!

lovely princess pink pavellion under the blueblue sky

and finally my dream to capture one of these coming true (:

this = love.

haha okay i shall blog more pretty pictures soon! after gatherings/outings etc.
ill miss scotland. but i miss my singapore friends more so here i am home sweet home(:

in a search for a new music player. FINALLY. maybe i'll have to resort to changing the whole playlist sigh.

edit: photos are all already on facebook :D trying to upload to picasaweb too!

second blogging in scotland (:

2009-11-28T03:29:00.003+08:00

hello hello and this is the second time im blogging in scotland :D

our buddies are coming over later to our hotel room and i wonder what we're going to do (:

and we're flying back real soon, back to where piles of homework await.

haha anyway i actually watched two episodes of umineko yesterday and i love maria!

wahaha all right i shall attempt to upload my photos in case im too lazy to do so at home.

and, im wanna meet up with ht! but sigh shes overseas after i go back :(

its okay good things are worth waiting for :D

and i hope we wont change even after manymany years ((:

scotland :D

2009-11-20T20:07:00.002+08:00

HIHIHI :DDD
haha omgg this is the first time im blogging in scotland! ((:
even though there is supposed to be free internet access in Park Hotel, the only time we could ever access it was during the first day .__.

heh so anywayy im not sure this is the last time i get to blog here (Im using the computer in Stewarton's Academy now) , and it was only lucky i get to use a decent comp here, since i was originally in Modern Studies with my buddy but i decided to come to Accounting instead to try my luck .__.
(The Mac computers in Info Systems were so laggy id almost given up all hopes wahahha)

anyway, the time difference here is 8 hours earlier than singapore (haha so im actually 8 hours younger) and so far everythings been fine :D
we went to Edinburgh previously and we got to see the pretty vintage castles haha omg! a dream come true but sadly it was so cold and the teacher was rushing all of us so it wasnt a very satisfying visit since we dont get free time :( wasnt able to take in all those beauty as we liked it ._. but oh wells it cant be helped.

mingming and i both felt as if we've been here for ages but its like only less than a week has passed. haha and strangely enough i dont really feel hungry and am amazingly eating lesser even though its way colder here (cos arent you supposed to eat more when you are in the cold!)
haha okay what else. (: ohh i did french manicure here! haha first time doing a manicure.
and and our buddies are great. its amazing though how the culture here is completely different from singapore :X

haha okay and erm we are going to Glasgow this sat and sun, hope we'd be able to buy some really pretty stuff there, i want to get this hoodie i saw in Edinburg that says "I love Scotland"! haha and omg there are the souvenirs too oh noes!

lastly i really need to say this, I MISS YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE! YES YOU VONGOLA PEOPLE ((:
haha i cant believe this but im really missing you people so much i wanna fly back to singapore right now. didnt have this kind of feeling when i was in china last time, probably because i was overseas with all the 408ers i felt so comfortable anytime, even if there were lots of problems during those trips. but now its totally different cos 408ers went U.S instead, and ever since the start of the year ive grown seriously so close to you guys, it just doesnt seem right when you people arent around :(

so im waiting for that day to come when i fly back :)

can you believe that i actually went to places like this :D
p.s: haha oh and i got to see many biiiig grasslands too!! ^w^ but dont have a chance to really run on them yet, plus its really the rainy season here :(

with fingers crossed

2009-11-14T04:36:00.003+08:00

going to airport in, 17 hours!
why'd i waken so early?
simple, because i hadn't.

hahahaha! X)
had just FBed, added songs long overdued to itunes (hopefully i remember to sync my ipod later) and still relunctant to pack.
haa. guess it just doesn't work for me if i dont have the right mood.
and i dont even have the feeling that im going overseas soon! usually i would have this excited thrill surrounding me when i go to sleep, but no .__.

haha i think it's because stupid OP has just finished, and it just doesn't seem right to fly right after we've had an A level.
but still ((:
ahha finally one post which is more of words than photos :D i think my blogging style varies so greatly even i dont know why,
and im thinking what else to say now.

oh yes, a video to share i came across when searching for album art:
thought some of the scenes were really pretty, and i think all of you should know which scenes they are ;)
pianos,sakura petals and disk records(:

OH, and i promise i would find time to blog in scotland! ((:
cos theres gonna be wireless in the hotels :D
and i hope everyone of us would be safe and sound.

okay i think i should really do some packing now, or id probably die tomorrow and what nots.
exchange money, prepare souvenirs, and i love all of you, :D regardless of whether only ghosts came to this blog now hahah (:

reminder to myself: change the song list on blog soon.

everything's gonna be all right(:

2009-11-12T23:17:00.004+08:00

it seems that i've not been here for quite a while :D
and today i want to blog about my love for..dance! ((:
just a random thought that turned into a photo search on deviantart, haha.

credits to: tam-i-ka, Urshastarx, kelsch, verisoph, MelodyOfLeeLoo, kittysyellowjacket and BeKissable (:
thank you all, you just made my day :D

I am always mysteriously drawn to ballet shoes and dance studios ^^ just like pianos, i think it's because theres the huge yearning inside to learn them properly.

and then again, when does dancing have to be formal? (: i love dancing in any form, as long as it makes one HAPPY.

and this is so true too. have passion, and believe(:

haha and I would love to dance beside the blue sea, in the dawn/dusk

and this, is my second favourite photo of the day :D love how the blue dress had flowed out, and not to mention dancing in the WIND((: undescribable feeling.

and this, is the photo of the day :D

OP tomorrow, and i ~~hope~~ believe we will all be granted that A we have earned! (:

jiayou, you can do it.

scotland trip in less than 2 days!

(and i've yet to pack. what in the world am i doing)

haha X) love you people.

born in this suspension;

2009-11-05T23:14:00.003+08:00

i wish you love ^^

forgot what else i wanted to blog about, but at least i remembered wanting to talk about bus rides(:

ive always liked taking bus rides alone, or with someone im really comfortable with,

and then i'd sleep, or just stare out of the window.

and thoughts would come to you(:

and once in a while, nothing will come and it would be just you and the rolling forward of the bus.

the momentum; the unknown; the yearning for more.

credits to deviantart, TheFarEast, paintspills and JosipKostic (:

living on shreds of love left behind;

2009-11-03T02:37:00.010+08:00

Sometimes, some people make it seem that others owe them a hundred million and never try, just once, to emphasize with others. Sometimes, I just think that this world really needs more optimism. Everyone has his darkest secrets, but i dont ever think anyone really acknowledged that, people just keep on clinging on to their preconceptions, tearing down everything else that is supposed to be beautiful.

有时，这个世界实在是让我哭不出，也笑不出。每个人似乎只活在自己的幻想世界里，早就忘了这个社会其实竟然还有其他人的存在。

and it's really hard to breathe through this air thats getting thinner and thinner, knowing that everyone around you is putting on thicker and thicker masks. and then with sudden realisation, you find that you are the only one naked, trying to remove those masks bare handed alone.

Sometimes, in this state of delirium, i feebly gather my remaining strength and try one last time to empathise before that final quivering note fades off.

今夜，我怕。

on a brighter note,photos long overdue((:

on a sidenote, has been amazed by Umineko no Naku Koro Ni recently(:

i especially love how the opening lyrics are written, sends tingling down your spine:D

just like Higurashi, i know im going to love Umineko((:

fyi, they are from the same producer and same style. haha dont be scared :D

with how many sins would you stain your wings?

waiting; waiting.

2009-10-30T08:02:00.002+08:00

blogging in school^w^
haha gosh i do love being an LEP student. the LEP room feels so cozy and homy, with many sofas to sleep on, snacks to buy from and high speed computers to use :D
i can live here forever!

ANYWAY.
haha nothing much to blog about, just that we're still working on our OP, and hopefully things turn out okay and everyone would still be smiling.
oh and jiayou to everyone out there preparing (or not preparing) for the upcoming Chinese A levels! ((:
heres something to cheer you people up:

(credits to deviantart, alejka)

and from deviantart, curse-tin:

((: tata! love you peepo!

.: Spirited Away:.

牵绊着我们的，是什么

虽然

hisashiburi (:

tired

hope?

tralalalala

thoughts

Scholarships

moments

and do fairytales come true?

世外桃园！

insomnia

so long

apprehensive

taking a break

unwritten

shag

an attempt

Not a quick one after all

happy chinese new year!

growing up

hmmm

tired

Alexithymia.

come back post(:

when will this end?

(:

hopes

happiness relinquishes

paranoia

考试间喘口气，

lets' go out to see the sun

entitled: falling to pieces

love(:

music is ____.

dreams

tumblr!

torn apart

pensieve

传奇

我仍然脆弱

revelations(:

ranting(:

stronger(:

fragile

thank you people (:

as promised,

reminiscence

if theres a road laid out for you, it's in you.

refuses to write a title for this

please be brave.

there was no parade

i was walking alone, and everyone was waiting

with this tiny little thoughts all around

girl you better get your armour, get your armour

nothing in the sky said run for cover

changes come but where they go

i wake up in the middle of the night laughing and crying

sometimes i run away in detest

they say time heals everything, but i'm still waiting

他们说这 叫爱.

the raindrops are falling on my windowpane, and we are hiding in a safer place

oh and look, she could hold the star between those fingers of hers

somewhere out there

searching for something unchanged

thank you for being born♥

let's watch the stars together

my heart will go on

我会担心 没有星星的夜空

if i fall, if i break,

be a better person(:

productive :D

bursting with; (:

looking back she wonders how much she has travelled;

rantings,

hopeful;

first day in school!

at ecp :O

♥

他们说这叫爱.

我会担心没有星星的夜空